A Piece Of Your Heart

four.

"Spend my days locked in a haze

Trying to forget you babe, I fall back down

Gotta stay high all my life to

forget I'm missing you."

Tove Lo, Stay High (Habits)

. . .

Email 2.0

I decide that after enough ranting to Mom, I'd to send you another email. Maybe you'll get this one this time?Maybe not?

I slump back to my computer once I reach my bedroom, my heart heavy with sad emotions, and take a breath. Then, I start writing.

recipient: kingjperez@gmail.com

subject: got my last one? nope.

Hey Jacob,

You guessed it. It's me, Ayodele. Again.

I know you probably don't want to be bothered by me, I understand that.

But when you called me "Dele." the other day, my knees went weak, my heart stopped and my moth ran dry of words. Those four letters put together in your mouth brought back so many memories; lots of them.

Want to hear a few? Well, here's some anyway:

The time the fair came. A beautiful, fair summer day, decent temperature and everyone was buzzing with excitement. You know why? The fair was finaly here! "Couples unite" was literally the motto. No one wanted to the fair alone, it just wasn't right.

I rememer the sweet, saccharine smell of cotton candy, the fresh buttery smell of popcorn, the sound of laughter, cheers, and I felt the general vibe of everyone having a great time. Except the little boy who was a wobbly, puking mess, in which you saved me from stepping in his upchuck.

But wait, even he had a good time. I swore after he'd left the trashcan, he turned to his buddies and said: "Yeah bro, let's do that again!" With an accompanying fist pump.

You won me the biggest, fluffiest teddy bear in the whole fair and rode with me along the most thrilling and fearful ride: The Thunder Bender. Still to this day, it's too many sharp, unexpected twists and loud, realistic thunder sounds for me (I have a real fear of thunder, you knew that but we went on it anyway), but I wouldn't mind another ride.

With you.

You took me out of my comfort zone, Jacob, you took me on adventures I'd never thought I'd experience!

Oh oh oh! And remember the time when we went for a stroll in the park and a little girl came up to us looking for her mommy? You'd sworn we'd have a kid as adorable as her one day, and that's when I saw the true fatherly qualities you possessed, and your willingness to help, no matter how ugly or unhelpful when searching for parents. You didn't give up on her. I still laugh at how nervous I was when the mother thought we were kidnapping her baby and I tried to explain. Thanks for saving me from a lifetime of embarrassment.

Sigh.

Yeah, good times, good times. Do you remember those times? Because, I do, still fresh in my mind everyday. And those tiny strings of memories I got are all I have left to remain hopeful on.

Well, for now my dear love, here's another (hopefully last) goodbye.

- Love, Ayodele

I shut off my computer and spin around in my roller chair to grab King Kuddles, the bear you'd won me a few years ago the annual fair.

Remember how you said that you were a king so you named him after you? And how you'd thought it be corny to name him Kuddles and told me to cuddle him whenever think of you, or felt alone?

Yeah, well, I'm doing that now. You see, K. Bear is special. He's like you but just in.. bear form. The only flaws are that he's not living, can't talk back to me, and can't give away pieces of his non existent heart.