January 25,2015
Dear I don't know,
This day has been the horrible day for me.
I don't want to go upstairs to see my mother,
I don't want to talk anyone,
I don't have the appetite to eat,
and I don't care about anybody anymore.
It seems like everybody is blaming me,
like its my fault...
My mother wishes that we shouldn't be her child,
why are we living in this world.
She all knows no one loves her.
She told me and my lil brother
that she's jealous to the other parents
who's their child / children loves them so much
who gives support to them that we couldn't give...
That's the first time I saw my mom cried so much.
I couldn't understand what she feels
that time if she's joking or she's serious cuz I'm not use to it ..
I want to die like I always said
I don't want to live in this world anymore.
I know I've been a bad daughter to her
I tried to change but I think she didn't appreciate my efforts
so I prefer to go back to my own self.
I wish when she asked me if I love her
I could say the truth but I can't
all I said is that "NO" with a big smile on my face
I wish she took that as a joke
because in my heart is that I really love her and
I'm really thankful that she's my mom
but I can't tell that to her face to face ..
Just I don't know why ..
My mom and dad is still not talking to each other
I just want them to be close together
like when before they fought.
She also said after when she's done with all
the task here in this house we'll have to forget that she's not here,
she want to abandon us ..
We're grounded from using the Internet
it's okay but abandoning us ?
Oh Jesus if mom only knows that when I cry alone in my room
I always say her name and ask for her help
I've always wanting to tell her all my problems but I can't...
Cuz it's about my boyfriend.
My boyfriend I don't know if this relationship is serious
