A Million Farewells

One - Hailie

Here goes nothing, so I suppose this is it. I think I've gone crazy, like totally mental. I can't even sit in a room alone anymore without feeling like there are people grabbing at my clothes, pushing and pulling, trying to tear me to little bits. I don't really know who this letter is titled to, because the only person at home is Dad, and he's probably so fucking off his head with smack that he can't even read my words. For gods sakes Dad, if you're reading this, check the bathroom because you don't wanna piss the neighbours off with the stench. Make sure you hide the smack though if they do come round. 

I suppose people will find out about me being dead, and when they do they will come round and search the house. They'll probably even find Dad's smack. So I guess I can use this letter to get him out of shit! Yeah I've used drugs and shit to overdose, but they aren't from my Dad. There's a kid who always hangs round outback who gave me them. We live in a pretty horrendous neighbourhood, don't we Dad? 

So you're gonna wonder why I've suddenly done this. Truth is, I'm not as strong or hard as I come across. When that fucking cow of a social worker came along and split our family up, my downward spiral started. When they took Tyler, it was like I lost purpose. You might wonder, why did they take her brother and not her? Well Tyler was fucked in the head, not like I am though. He had some disease, autism or some shit. The social worker saw he wasn't coping and Dad practically just handed him over like some broken record. I did love Tyler, but man that boy was fussy. Nothing was good enough! Then Dad would shout because Tyler would kick off, and I'd have to step in because Tyler likes hitting people, and so does Dad. 

I look to the future, and all I see is dark days of Dad and his smack, and me sitting in this shithole with nothing but a window for entertainment. I don't want to be anything when I grow up, I don't care about school. And what happens when Dad kicks me out? He'll probably get so overdosed on smack he'll drop dead, and I'll have no home. It's just easier to end it this way. It was always gonna be like this. 

Just please don't do anything to my Dad. Yeah he needs help, but fuck knows who could do that. Not even I could and I was his special little Hailie. 

I don't have anyone else to mention really, I pushed my friends away. The kids at school call me crack baby, or High on Hailie. It's fucking disgusting, but I don't react. "Hey Hailie, got any smack? Oh wait your Dad does!". So yeah that's school for you.

I'm gonna take this pills now. I don't know what they are, but there's a whole canister full. Looks enough to do the job. I do love you Dad, despite how much of a dick you are. And if you do read this, I hid your smack under the sink. And remember about the neighbours. Secondly, I love you Tyler even though it's been months. Hope your new family is pretty cool.

So, here's my middle finger world. 

Fuck you all.

Bye.