Still don't know my name

Euphoria

  There was a time we were all happy, a time where we had no worries in the world. That was when we weren't born yet, We weren't dead we just weren't brought into this world yet. My time was within my mother Inko, Well until she pushed me out.

July 15th was the day I was brought into this cruel world. My Mother and Father had to stay at the hospital for a total of 10 weeks this was because I was born during the 36th week of my mother's pregnancy when the average baby is born on the 40th week, so in conclusion, I was premature. See me being born too early was my first mistake in life of course there was plenty more to come after that.

My family moved to a small town in the suburbs when I was five, We lived a pretty normal middle-class life well of course until the day i had my first break down.

"12, 13, 14.." I was counting the tiny squares on the ceiling one night at dinner "15,16.." 

"Izuku dear what are you looking at," My mother asked me but I ignored her and continued my counting

"17, 18,19.."

"Izuku?, Izuku can you look at me, dear?" I looked at her for a swift moment but I still continued only this time restarting from the very beginning "1, 2,3, 4.."

"Izuku what are doing?"

And for some reason when she asked me that question, I started crying, not just small cries a complete breakdown, and my parents didn't understand why, of course, I didn't either.

We eventually went to doctors.

"well we believe he's suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder, general anxiety disorder, and Attention-deficit disorder"

Suffering and Disorder two words I absolutely hated.

See it's not like I was poor, or molested by a family member or anything terrible like that but seeing my mother cry after being told of my diagnosis was a different type of pain.

after my Diagnosis my mother would go on and on about how there were famous people I loved that had the exact same "disorders" as me but you know what those people had in common? they were all fucking crazy.

I don't remember much between the ages eight in twelve, just that the world moved fast and my brain moved slow.

But we fast forward to highschool 17 year old me, and that's when I started making choices, choices about who I was and who I wanted to be well at least what I wanted to feel.

"Hey, mom you got any Tylenol?" I'd always ways pretend my head hurt or some shit.

"oh yeah in the cabinet" but that was really just me getting high off of Xanax.

I don't really know when my decline had started I just remember waking up one day not giving a fuck, and sure that may sound sad but hell i didn't make this system but I didn't do it any good either.

I remember wanting to feel something, urging to feel something and I was happy when I did. It's a moment of your breath becoming slow, and every time you breathe, you breathe out all the oxygen you have... and everything stops.
Your heart, your lungs, and finally your brain. And everything you feel, wish and want all sinks in.

And then suddenly you get air again and you get life again. I remember the first time it happened I got so scared I wanted to call 911. Go to the hospital and be kept alive by machines and apple juice. But I didn't want to look like an idiot, and I didn't want to fuck up everyone's night. And then over time, it's all I wanted... those two seconds of nothingness.
Eventually, I fell from my grace and I spent a good portion of the summer before junior year in rehab. And now here I am. Clean, holy, and free well at least that's how it's supposed to be but who knows?

*****************

Him. I remember the day he came to town. Shoto Todoroki.

Riding in the car with my mom after being picked up from rehab, he was on a bike beside us of course I didn't know who he was then but he was definitely rememberable. His Half red and half white hair, his mitch-matched eyes, and the burn scar on the left side of his face.

******************

"well, well fucking well" Shigaraki sat in a dirty white chair in front of the corner store he owned "it's a dead man walking"

"oh y-yeah right.." 

"you know there's some new guy in town." He said to me while opening up a beer.

"So?..."

"I don't know. he came in yesterday looking all sailor moon and shit and I thought 'hey this looks like someone Deku would get along with."

Tomura Shigaraki, you see as a way with words given the fact he wasn't exactly revolving the in the same direction as planet earth, But he was right about me and the sailor moon boy we did get along granted it wasn't sailor moon we bonded over.

"so er, how you feeling?" he paused to look at me "ya know with rehab and stuff"

"Well ever since I've given my life to our lord and savior Jesus christ life has been pretty good."

There was a long pause between us, obviously, he didn't know I was joking.

"I'm just kidding Shigaraki.."

"ohhh okay.."

"so, er, is Toga in the back?"

He let out a loud disappointed grunt before looking at me again "for real Deku?"

"For real."

He shook his head, frustrated with me, refusing to answer my question.

"you were the one who told me it was the end of the world, the least you could do is let me enjoy it." I gave him a smile, a real sweet smile I knew he'd break.

Finally, he let out a sigh "dammit Deku.." he finally relents "you're paying for your shit this time!"

"Okay, thanks!" I skipped into the back of the store, you know that 'employees only' area yeah that was pretty much a drug store and of course, not your legal shit.

Toga sat in the back of the room bagging pills and powders. "oh wow." she looked up to me with a creepy-ass smile on her face "I thought you were dead."

"And I thought you had Asperger's until I learned you were just a prick." I scoffed at her and the smile on her face dropped.

"I do have Aspergers"

"But you're still a prick"

And to that, she rolled her eyes "What are you in here for anyway?"

"Ummm well.." I looked at the bags trying to figure out how fucked up I wanted to get "I think a little molly should do the trick"

She handed me the bag "You know that's gonna be 250"

"Oh, Shig said he's gonna cover me" I smiled skipped away, and pushed myself through the backdoor of the store.

"Jesus Christ dude don't you think this is enough?"

Kirishima Eijirou was loading keg into the back of his truck and oh fuck... his best friend Bakugo Katsuki was in the passenger seat staring dead at me.

Bakugou Katsuki was you're typical hot-headed, jock asshole, and Kirishima was just his himbo friend, He's not
particularly intelligent or articulate but there's a kindness to him.

In truth, I didn't have much of an issue with Katsuki until that night. I mean, I never liked him, He's practically bullied the shit outta me since Middle school but then again he's bullied, everyone. He is leaner, in the way quarterbacks are, and full of himself, in the way quarterbacks, are. And I'm well, I'm practically a walking punching bag for guys like him. I'm not as muscular as him, I'm short and I have a face full of freckles I'm pretty much asking to get picked on.

As the truck went by Bakugou stuck his head out the window and yelled out to me "You lookin fine today baby boy!" he laughed off while 'hunger games' soluting me

Bakugou Katsuki wasn't gay he said shit like that to hurt me.

"Fucking asshole..." Despite this, I knew that if they were throwing an end-of-the-summer party of course I'd fucking go.