We drove into Memphis around eleven o'clock at night. Blunts had been rolled, drinks had been made, and Kurt and I stayed in the trailer talking for hours on his bunk while the rest of the crew members went out on a late night shopping spree.
I was enjoying where Kurt and I stood, as close friends, without any benefits. I was, however, becoming increasingly nervous about Kurt's state, as injecting heroin into his veins had become a normality to him; it was like brushing your teeth. You do it without thinking about it. And that scared the shit out of me. He was more often out of it than fully present. And to make matters worse, he kept on getting more and more heroin, and I was losing track of how many people he took it from, because the number kept increasing. Whoever his dealer was definitely had enough connections to track Kurt across the country and enable his chemical dependency that was holding him hostage.
I took a shaky breath at the thought and brought a cigarette to my lips, reaching into my pocket to find a lighter. Kurt was at the ready with his, lighting the flame close enough to my face that my eyebrows would catch on fire. I lit the cigarette and pushed Kurt's hand away lightly, and he put his lighter back in his pocket, chuckling. "Why are you so on edge lately, Erin?"
"You really want to know?" I responded, taking a long drag from the cigarette and blowing the smoke into his face. Kurt nodded, taking the cigarette from my fingers and taking a drag himself. I couldn't admit my concern to him. He would automatically feel victimized. I had just gotten him back and I didn't want to risk pushing him further away.
"See, the thing is, I'm really anxious about being in Memphis because it's where Nate's family is from," I explained, and Kurt raised an eyebrow. "Nate?" It hit me that I had never talked about my ex with Kurt. Probably for good reason, too. I didn't need to drag all of that baggage with me into another relationship with twice as many suitcases.
"Yeah, he's my ex. We lived together up until the Bleach tour, when he broke up with me because I prioritized a tour over a domestic lifestyle," I said, and Kurt nodded in understanding. "That's a dick move, man. He should've let you pursue what you're meant to do. You're obviously really good at it," Kurt replied, taking his last drag of the cigarette butt before putting it out on the ashtray to his right.
"Thanks," I muttered before going on, "His family and I were really close. They invited us here for Christmas a few times. They were the definition of Southern hospitality."
"Yeah, sounds sweet until they pull out their guns and try and convince us that their right to bear arms is more valuable than a person's life," Kurt complained. Of course he would bring up redneck culture. He despised the rednecks from Aberdeen. And I didn't blame him. Those people were awful. But Nate's parents were the furthest thing from that. They would send Nate and I care packages filled with homemade jams and biscuit mix from their family-owned cafe. His parents were who I wish my parents had been. Kurt thankfully changed the subject before I got too deep in my nostalgia.
"I dated Tobi Vail, one of the biggest names in the riot grrrl scene. But my most serious girlfriend was a girl named Tracy Marander," Kurt said in a rather monotonous tone. "We lived together up until the band got big." We stayed silent for a few seconds until he confessed, "Well, actually, it's because we got evicted. I was living in my car for a while. But you had been my most serious love interest since then." My heart skipped a few beats.
"What about Courtney? Anything there?" I gave into my temptation to ask about her, and Kurt automatically shook his head in denial. "She doesn't mean anything to me," he said. "I mean, she's my dealer, but other than that—"
"Oh, so you're actually reliant on her and need to keep her around. And what about that time you literally jumped her with your face?" I interrogated.
"I'll find a new dealer, then. Seriously, E, I only made out with her because she gave me H before the show. No strings were attached. I meant what I said when she tried to fight you. I really do hate her," he admitted.
"Mhm," I hummed, leaning back onto the wall, letting my legs hang off of Kurt's bunk. I adjusted my position to attempt to go down the frail ladder on the side of our bunks but Kurt stopped me before I could really move, pulling me into him. He gently held my face with one hand before placing his lips delicately on mine, and I immediately responded, letting him intensify the kiss from around 12 to 89 percent. I was making this way too easy for him.
"I can't resist you," he muttered against my mouth. I felt his light stubble brush my chin and I almost fell off the bed. I pulled away to stabilize myself, analyzing the situation in search of any second thoughts that might hinder me from actually doing this. Nope. Nothing.
"Fuck it."
A/N- The cafe that Nate's parents owned is actually based off of the Loveless Cafe in Nashville. It's my favorite place on the planet. If you ever have the chance to go, try their biscuits and fruit preserves. They are to die for.
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