Colour Blind ~ Phan

Chapter 1

Yes I'm British, so yes it's colour. Deal with it. I also did way too much research into blue cone monochromatism. You're welcome. Enjoy :33

Everyone has one. A swirl on the temple of everyone's head- on show to the world. It spins in time with every heartbeat of your body and changes colour depending on your emotions. They are about the size of coin- slightly varying for each person depending on their size. They are flat against your skin, like a tattoo, and are as thick as a blunt pencil-line, drawn evenly into a spiral. There is no person who doesn't have one. Some may be missing patches, scarred or wonky, but everyone has one. Not having one would be the equivalent of missing a brain or a heart. They spin since you're born and stop and turn black, when you die. That's just how it is.

People grow up learning each colour's meaning, knowing each one without batting an eyelid. It's like being able to read. Once you know how, you don't even need to think about it to do it. People accept this, knowing how each person is primarily feeling, know how to correctly help people, there is no confusion as to how someone thinks of you. In theory there should be less drama and more peace, considering the facts are laid out in front of you- plain and clear. However, that is not always the case.

People can use these orphic swirls to manipulate people. No-one can see how they're feeling without a mirror, so people can lie about your own emotions to you in order to trick you. People can see if others hate them, so make their life hell if they so desire. People are wary of the way every emotion is displayed on their face. It allows people to invade your feelings- even if you don't want them too. Many people even try to cover their swirls in clothing, but these people are not trusted as well as those showing them.

However, even with all these detrimental factors of our swirls, the world is pretty open and trusting for the most part. But the world is different for me. My name is Phil Lester and I am colour blind.

To be specific I have blue cone monochromatism. This basically means I have to wear special coloured sunglasses to control bright glare that my affect my vision; have bad vision- although mine is considerably good for my condition; but most importantly I cannot perceive colour. The concept of colour is almost meaningless to me. I can only see in a range of black and grey (sometime blue and yellow too). This however, means I cannot tell the emotions of people very easily. I rely solely on their body language, tone of voice and facial expressions.

Despite the facts I cannot see colour, people have described my eyes as a 'brilliant blue' or 'sky blue'. Some even say my eyes are beautiful. I however, can only detect shades grey to determine someone's eye colour - more like: 'are they light or dark eyes?'

I do get to wear the 'coolest' shades though. My long, fringed black hair and sunglasses make me look more of an emo wanna be than a 'cool' guy. The kids at my old school thought so too. I'm 26 now though so at least I don't have the torture of high school taunting me anymore. I used to have to sit right at the front of the classroom in the darkest part of the room, yet still constantly squinting, while the other children used to try to get me to tell them the colour of their pen, or the colour of the school tie. The worst thing that ever happened to me was someone once shined a torch in my eyes. I'm sure my spiral was spinning like crazy as my pulse quickened and the temporary blindness smothered me in fear.

That's not to say I was necessarily bullied in school. I had a few close friends that helped me and stuck with me through that period of my life. I'm almost certainly sure that my life has gotten much harder since then though.

I've been in multiple relationships. All of which, unfortunately, have ended with mistrust and manipulation. Faked emotions and ending with me fearing not being good enough. I put my trust in people too easily and get hurt too often because of it. I try to look at everyone in a positive way, but how can I know how they really feel about me? And unlike others, I can't even look in the mirror and look how I feel about myself.