Illicit Affair

ii. home

The sun is high already when I lay my eyes open. Since Helena broke up with me, I almost forgot how good it is to have a peaceful sleep. I cannot remember my dream but I'm fine with it. I linger on my bed and savor the beautiful feeling coursing through my body. It's true that there's no place like home. Hopefully, I could keep this positive energy in me until I come back to Sacramento City. It's almost ten in the morning when I check my phone and I'm really grateful for a good night's sleep.

An upbeat song is playing in the living room when I step outside. Thanks to Mom's singing, I remember that it's 'Top of the World' by the Carpenters. I almost forgot that my parents are such huge fans of Richard and Karen Carpenters. I grew up listening to their songs and music of other classic artists. "Good Morning, Mom!" I greet with a grin. She's somehow twirling and skipping as she paces closer to me. I laugh. She's in a pretty contagious good mood.

"Good Morning too, Pao-pao!" She hugs me shortly. "Do you want to eat your breakfast already?" I shake my head and sit on the cream-colored sofa.

"Where's Dad?"

"He visits Father Charlie. He actually wants you to come with him but I told him to let you rest." There's a looming worry in my mom's voice. I can tell that she's only waiting for me to share with her the truth, but I'm not ready. And I don't know if I will be. I just nod. The song ends and another Carpenters classic hit soothingly plays. If I'm not mistaken, it's called 'Yesterday Once More."

"By the way, mom, I'll be meeting Kristoff later."

"Of course." A genuine smile stretches across her lips. "You take care, okay?" I smile and stand. Shortly, I dance with my mom with the beat before heading to the kitchen to gobble my breakfast.

Kristoff and I both agreed to meet at the ice cream shop located at the heart of the city. It was and still is our favorite place to go to since high school. I remember that we usually went there on Thursdays and Fridays. And if our parents gave us money, we also spent the weekends there. He used to live near us but when he got married, he moved but it's still in Canla-bu City.

It's kinda crazy that all of the people who're of my age, and really close to me are all married. My sisters already have their family. Amy, my eldest sister, already has two kids. Rachel, my elder sister is pregnant with her first kid. And Jill, my younger sister already has Calvin, and I am the godfather. I'm the third and only guy among the four children. Sometimes, I feel like I'm the youngest. Two years ago, Kristoff tied the knot with Maricel. Though, they already have their first baby, Kriselda.

This coming September, I'll be 29 and surely, the idea of marriage crossed my mind already. But how would I get married if Helena broke up with me? Inside my car, I heaved a huge sigh. I am still denying that she's no longer mine. The wounds are still wide open, and fresh. And there's no way it'd heal any time soon.

During the past days, I asked myself, why does it hurt badly? It's not that she's gone forever. She may not be right by my side anymore, but she's still there, held by gravity, and having the time of her life without me. Maybe it hurts because I cannot remember a day of my life without her. Maybe it hurts because I cannot just simply talk to her to tell how my day was. Maybe it breaks my heart because I can no longer touch and hold and kiss her like I always do. Maybe it hurts because I love her and I cannot accept the truth that love is not binding us together anymore, rather, it keeps us apart right now. I just never thought that the love we have has an ending that I never and will never like.

I want to welcome Kristoff with a bright face so I do my best to keep Helena away from my thoughts. Minutes later, I am already in front of Jolly Cream, the ice cream shop we are really fond of. I park and hop out of my car. He's not yet there so I enter the glass door marked with Jolly Cream's logo. Below it, the phrase 'Since 1978' was painted too. The place is still how I remember it-- cloud white clean walls, cream oblong tables, with artificial plants on top, and side chairs. Tall corn plants are also neatly placed on the corners. The differences I have noticed, though, are of course, new batches of service crews, and their menu board has much more flavors to choose from. My phone beeps. Kristoff informs me that he's already on his way.