Playing With Fire

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There are so many painful things in the world, but not as painful as that one. That pain when I rejected you had clearly broken you.

I hurt you, I broke you and slowly killed you. I didn't feel the way you felt for me so I turned you down. I didn't want to hurt you with that false hope of being thing. You grew distant from me. I never knew then turning you down was my biggest regret in my life.

You changed in ways I can't express and then slowly disappeared. I wanted to see you, I wanted to hug and feel your presence all over. You were gone and I was down. You meant the world for me and it me broke when you disappeared. I was alone in this big world finding you.

People say you know the value of something only when you lose them. I realized you mean something to me after I lost you.

The day you disappeared into the thin air, there was part of me resenting for rejecting you. That one day when I was busy thinking about you, I realized the friend zone I placed you in was a mistake. I wanted you to be more than that, more than a silly platonic relationship.

I waited for you to come. The day I lost you I started falling more for you. Your eyes, your face, your smile, heck everything remained in my mind like a constant reminder of my regret. Your face always in my mind when I closed my eyes. I kept waiting and you didn't turn up.

I kept waiting for you knowing you're out there thinking about me. There was a part of me telling me to stop and move on. I ignored it and did my waiting. I did it for long time and what felt like forever.

You were there. Standing in that crowd, in that alley. I wanted to run towards you and kiss you, hug you and tell you how much I missed you. But. . .but your hand, your hand. . .they were interlocked with someone else's, they were intertwined with someone else's.

You saw me and widen the smile of your face and spoke to me. You gushed about your love to her and how amazing she is.

But. . .but what about. . .about me. Don't you. . .don't you feel that way for me. My heart broke when you kissed and when you wore that smile, that smile that made me fall. That smile was not for me or because of me. It broke me, it killed me more than ever.

Is this a game you're playing with me to make me jealous or do you. . .do you really. . .love her. I think rejecting was my biggest mistake. That regret I think it would drive me crazy. I am ready for it. This is my biggest regret and I am ready to drown in it. . .

~Regret