TDB Oneshots

Michael

Kuro would argue that nothing fazes him anymore.

Of course, when you live with the four horsemen of the apocalypse who call themselves "The Memelord Quartet", anything else can seem comparatively normal.

But he stands corrected one morning as he steps into the kitchen only to pause at the doorway, eyes zeroing in at the thing sitting innocently on the counter.

"What is that?"

DJ looks up from her sandwich at his question, glancing between him and the object he's gesturing to.

"That's Michael. Our new roommate."

Kuro's deadpan stare didn't change. "That's a Christmas elf."

"His name is Michael." DJ corrects as she returns to her meal.

Kuro sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "It's the middle of July."

DJ raises an eyebrow at him, but the twitch in her lips reveal her amusement. "So? Never too early to celebrate."

"Yes it is." He sighs again before finally moving away from the door and preparing his breakfast. "I swear, no one in this house is sane anymore."

"There's Rei and MC."

"Rei only visits so I'm not surprised he hasn't been infected by you lot."

DJ smirks. "You including yourself there, gramps?"

Kuro only glowers at her. He steals a glance at the elf on the counter before glaring at it too and deciding to continue his meal in his room.

~~§~~

"Is that an Elf on the Shelf?" Rico asks one day as he passes by the living room.

"He's on the sofa." Elias points out as he adjusts the TV speakers. "Also, DJ calls him Michael."

"The product is called Elf on the Shelf,"  he clarifies. "And why do we even have one? Halloween season hasn't even started yet."

He sits on the other end of the couch, as far away from the doll as possible and Elias settles beside him.

The angel shrugs. "He just appeared suddenly."

"So, DJ brought him in?"

"DJ brought him in."

Rico stares at the elf in uncertainty. "But again, why?"

"Considering how creepy and unsettling it looks, that's probably their intention."

"Of course."

~~§~~

Sunshine jumps as Mary Claire barges into the gaming room.

"I need your help to get rid of Michael."

The reaper raises an eyebrow but MC ignores her as she talks, hands flying in gestures. "I swear, almost every time I enter a room he's there. And he keeps changing locations so I never know where to expect him. I want him destroyed. I want him gone. I want to melt his unblinking eyes, shred his untimely holiday ensemble and mix it all into suspicious stew so I can feed it to some stray rat."

Sunshine blinks as she processes the other's words. "Who's Michael?"

"The Christmas elf."

"The what?"

It's now MC's turn to raise an eyebrow. "How long have you been in here?"

"An unhealthy amount most likely."