She wouldnt stop looking at me. When I finally said something she stared at me. With those eyes... Those piercing eyes of brown. They sparkled as she stared at me. Her almond eyes just stared into my soul, pulling it out and tying my stomach into even more knots. She was judging me. I know she was thinking things about me. Things that everybody else was thinking. Probably thinking about how ugly I was. I didn't want her to think that of me. Anyone else I wouldnt have cared but her... oh gosh why did it have to be her? This one girl. Crissy. I've known her for less than a day and already im falling hard. Nothing good ever happens when I fall. Why did it have to be her? I'm staring ahead. Im trying to pretend she's not there. Maybe then I wont feel so horrible...
Fernanda is tapping my shoulder. I hear her but I choose not to respond. I'm already far gone and I dont wanna come back until this is over. "Autumn" she whispers but I still stare ahead as if i've got cotton in my ears. I'd apologize later and blame it on my anxiety. I hear Britt and Crissy talking. From the corner of my eyes I can see Crissy, being involved in conversation but every few seconds she would still glance at me. Those glances... Every time she would look at me with her eyes of steel it would take away more of my dignity and leave me more nervous than before. Every time her lazer's hit me it just took away what calm was left in me. Matthew came over to sit by me and everytime she would look at me with her brown beams of light he would stare back at her, almost like a mirror reflecting her lazer light. He continued to do this until I finally got enough courage back to get up and go over to Joey and Fernanda, far enough so that her beams couldn't reach me. Im gonna have to thank Matthew for that later.
It was probably a bad decision on my part to sit by the two love birds. All they kept doing was flirting and kissing and hugging and the dumb "feeding each other each other's food" thing. It basically made me sick in less than 3 minutes. At one point I got so fed up with it. Joey held out a spoon full of some white fluff nastiness, probably an attempted mashed potatoes. So right when it was at Fernanda's chin I shoved the spoon up onto her face and got all the nastiness all over her neck and shirt. "Fernanda!" Yolanda screamed, "Cochina your supposed to catch the white stuff IN your mouth and swallow! I didn't know u were into the kinky shit" she winked. All of us erupted in laughter. Everybody in the cafateria heard us but we didn't care. I heard her laugh. Crissy's laugh. It was undescribable. Like hearing birds sing.
I know it sounds stupid. It all sounds like im just making up how she looks and how she sounds and the different things. But that's how she is to me. She's like this stunning beautiful creature. Almost non-human. Her beauty is stunning. When she laughed I just felt almost as if I was falling under a spell. When she looked at me it was almost as if I wasn't worthy to be glanced at by such a beautiful person... Geez why am I even hanging around her. She deserves to be with the beautiful ones in the center of the room. Anywhere but with all of us outcasts...
The bell finally rang and Fernanda came back from the bathroom after cleaning her shirt, all of us still laughing at the joke that Yola made. Joey, Fernanda, and Yola walked to their class, Rob and Matt walked to theirs, and me and Britt walked to our History. We started talking about our favorite YouTubers until I noticed somebody was behind us and following us. When I turned my head she was behind us, still looking at me. Britt looked at me right when I turned my head around and glanced back to see Crissy.
"Hey Criss. Where you going?" She asked her. Crissy stopped staring at me and replied "Wherever the history class is" to Britt. "Oh. We're in that class. Just follow us" and Crissy came between me and her and all three of us walked down the hallway together.
"So, Autumn, right?" She tried to talk to me. I nodded slightly. "You said at lunch that you were into the same stuff as me..." She looked shyly to the ground and back up again "What kind of stuff are you into?" She waited for an answer from me. It was just a simple question. Surely I could answer something this easy. I opened my mouth to speak and...
I squealed. I tried to open my mouth again and tried to speak but it just came out sounding like a mouse. My eyes got wide and I stared at Britt, hoping she could save me from this horror.
"Sorry Crissy. Autumn gets nervous really easily and she kinda has social anxiety. It gets hard for her to speak sometimes. Just give her time and her brain will get used to you"
Crissy stared at me for approval from her observation. I shook my head up and down violently, trying my best to not die of embarrasement in front of the beautiful girl who would probably end up being the death of me. I glanced up at Britt and glanced towards the bathrooms trying to tell her that I had to go. She nodded her head and led Crissy to the classroom as I went into the nasty bathroom stall.
I choose the stall farthest from the opening door. The inside of the stall was nasty. The toilet had grum and undescribable things on them. The walls were covered in profane drawings and things said that was nastier than the toilet. I got on my knees and opened the toilet seat.
How could I have done that? I fucking SQUEALED!!! I've never even done anything close to that. I'm such an idiot. I made a fool of myself. Pathetic piece of shit. Thats what I am. Or at least what the voices in my head tell me. Their right about everything. Im such a fuck-up. Squealed! I. FUCKING. SQUEALED!
After I finished, I flushed the toilet and ran quickly to my history class. I made it to my desk just as the bell rang. Britt sat next to me. Crissy was in a not-so-empty-anymore desk across from Britt. I could see her and Britt passing notes back and forth as the class went along. I tried my best the entire time not to faint. Time passed extremly slow but finally the bell rang and I ran to my next class.
I didn't have anymore classes with her the rest of the day. Thankfully. I probably would have had a panic attack if I saw her anymore. After last period I met Yola outside to walk home with her. It was just a normal walk. Nothing different. When I finally got home I noticed that the house next to us had a moving van. Funny. The neighboorhood we live in isnt exactly a place somebody would want to live...
I walked into my front door, greeted by my mom. "Hey" she said. "How was your day?" "Fine" I lied. "Who's the new neighboors?" I asked
"Oh. I'm not sure. I was wondering if you wanted to come with me to introduce them to the neighboorhood" she answered. I nodded. I probably wouldnt have to talk much. My mom definetly knew how to keep a conversation.
We walked across our yard to theirs. A small trailer house with dark green grass sat in front of me as we walked closer to it. The U-Haul was close to the door as different men grabbed large moving boxed and suitcases. My mother ran through them to the front door and knocked, me following behind her.
"Get the door please sweet" I heard a middle-aged lady's voice call out. The door unlatched and opened.
Crissy stood in the doorway.
