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Home ⚠️

⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING: Suicidal Thoughts ⚠️

I left the party at the old mill and allowed my feet to walk aimlessly until I suddenly found myself standing and looking over a bridge.

It was extremely dark out, no one else in sight, only the sound of the rain hitting the concrete ground as the waves crashed against the river bank.

I had thought about this for awhile now, never having the guts to do it, but I'm here now.

•••

"Has anyone seen Y/N?" asked Josie as she walked over to her twin, Hope and MG, who were sitting by the bonfire.

"I saw her ealier, but not since then. Have you tried calling her?" the blonde twin asked.

"Yeah, but it keeps going to voicemail and I'm getting worried" said Josie.

The brunette was deeply worried about you. You were her girlfirend after all and you had been distant all week and she knew you had been feeling down lately, but she thought you would at least come to her to talk.

So, instead of pushing you to talk to her about it the brunette brought you to the party in hopes that it would lighten up your spirits even just for a little bit.

You went to the party, but after 20 minutes you just disappeared.

Josie searched everywhere for you, having gone back to the school to look for you in your room then straight to the kitchen in hopes that you were just making a snack or something, but you wasn't there so she went the library and then the art room.

Nothing.

After not having any look finding you at the school she went back to the party to ask around some more to see if anyone had seen where you had gone.

Everyone was now going back inside because of the rain, but Kaleb being the one showing her the direction you had gone, which was deep into the woods.

That's when it it her, that horrible feeling in her gut and she didn't care about the heavy rain pouring down, she instantly ran into the woods. She instantly ran after you. 

•••

I checked my phone to look at the time, but it had died. I then felt myself shiver having underestimated the cold weather tonight and forgetting my jacket back in my room.

Honestly, I didn't care because my thoughts were elsewhere.

Lately I've been feeling out of place. I keep trying to figure out where it is I belong. I can't control my magic and I keep hurting people unintentionally.

I felt like I didn't belong anywhere.

Everything felt like a mess or at least... in my head it did.

I felt alone and I hated feeling alone.

I never felt alone with Josie though, she always made me feel special and always made me feel safe, but then I started to feel like a burden and I couldn't help but become distant.

I just don't want to be a burden anymore so... I've decided to end it.

I climbed onto the wall and just stood there looking over as the rain continued to pour down and the waves still crashed against the rocks. The cold was getting to me now, but I came here to do what I needed to do and be done with it.

I was tired of trying to figure out this life. I was tired of feeling useless and worthless and a burden. I was just sick of feeling this way.

I wanted it to stop.

I will admit though, as I stand here on the wall of the brigde, my eyes now closed listening to the waves crash, almost violently now, I wished Josie would pop out of nowhere and just take me home.

Maybe I'm out of my mind right now, maybe I'm being dramatic.

No. I hate feeling like this. Fuck it.

•••

Josie ran as fast as she could, her heart sinking into her chest the deeper she got into the woods, the thought of you hurting yourself causing her to panic and hating the fact that you were all alone.

She was desperate to find you.

As Josie continued to run through the woods she  saw a clearing that lead to an empty road which then lead to a bridge not far ahead.

That's when she saw you.

Her heart sank.

You were stood on the wall of the bridge like you was ready to jump.

"Y/N!" she desperately screamed out your name, hoping you could here her, but you were still stood there looking over.

"Y/N!" she called out again as she got closer.

•••

I heard her voice and my eyes snapped open instantly, but I didn't move.

Maybe that was in my head? Maybe I am losing my mind? I sighed before I took a deep shaky breath and prepared myself.

"Y/N!" I heard her voice call out my name again, causing me to turn my head in the direction I heard it from.

Josie?

"Please don't do this." she pleaded as she came to a halt, now standing and looking up at me, trying to catch her breath.

I looked back over at the bridge then back to my girlfriend. I was relieved.

I instantly jumped down and looked at her.

"I'm sorry" I apologised to her, not knowing what else to say, just feeling this guilt deep within me knowing that her seeing me stood on there would have terrified her.

What was I thinking?

She came closer to me and took my hand in hers and looked deep into my eyes. "You have nothing to be sorry for, just please don't leave me." she cried.

"I won't. I promise." I told her.

Josie then put her hands around my neck and pulled me into a hug. A very tight hug, like she was scared I was going to suddenly disappear right there and then.

I put my arms around her waist and hugged her back instantly, rubbing my thumb in circles on her lower back, reassuring her that I'm okay and I'm not going anywhere.

"I love you, so much." she whispered in my ear.

"I love you too, Josie"

In that moment I realised that I don't belong anywhere but with her. I don't belong anywhere but with Josie Saltzman and aslong as I'm with her... I'm home.