Alright it's 5 am I can't sleep I have no one I can talk to, well I do but they could care less anyways I don't think anyone's going to read this so fuck it. Here's what's going on in my head
I wish I could just talk to you about real life stuff idk like feelings and shit I get that's not our thing I mean like I get you only talk to me when you need to laugh or when your bored or just so we can make jokes and I love that. We are funny and shit. But there's sm more than that I want to have a actual conversation with you without making any dumb jokes
But I get it, we don't have that type of relationship and that's fine. And I am so stupid for not talking to you about instead I download an app people use to read sumts and wrote my feelings there lol idk I am just hoping someone will relate ig.
Idk it's so hard for me to talk to people ig it's bc of past stuff or just me being scared or idk it's hard to explain why I am sad when honestly idek.
Yk when like you just hate yourself sm but you don't know why, like you can hate yourself sm to the point when you can't even look at yourself or stop caring for yourself, that sucks.
I kinda hate people like some people can be such dicks, I feel like everyone is going through shit even the happiest people. Fuck honestly I have no idea where I am going with this my point is people are dicks
I feel like we need to appreciate music more, literally music is the reason I am still alive. Music has saved me so many time, I am not trying to be one of those people "music is life" "I am different bc I like Music"
"Music is my best friend" like stfu. But my point is appreciate music more
I am okay
Yk when you are helping other people with their personal problems but you have your own personal problems but you just pretend they are not there. Bc you don't wanna be those people who ask for help, now don't get me wrong there's nothing wrong with asking for help, actually I think it's awesome everyone should. But sometimes you just can't find yourself doing that bc, you don't know what the problem is or you don't want to face it bc you have to be "strong" yeah or like I said u don't know what the problem is but yk there is a problem bc something is wrong you don't feel anymore your not happy, and you could care less if anything bad happened to you you're just, numb, hope that made sense
Words fucking hurt. There's a line there's joking and then there's being a dick. Don't be a dick, make sure the people know your joking bc if they don't, they are going to take whatever you said serious and it going to hunt them and break them and make them feel like crap. There's a saying "actions speak louder then words" yeah in some scenarios ig, but honestly that's bullshit bc I think words can kill someone like whatever dumb shit u say to someone that can live in their brain forever. Words are powerful, idk like I feel words can fucking stab you in the back, yk?
Why do I feel like everyone hates me. When you hate yourself u automatically think everyone fucking hates you. Literally you push people that love you sm away, bc you can't feel. And it's not your fault. You just need to find yourself
"Your enough" "I love you" "you have a meaning"
That's all I want, it's not sm to ask for
Look, everyone is going through shit, Ik that stop lying to yourself stop keeping it inside and stop crying at night as a Coping mechanism, bc if you don't your eventually you are going to break down and all that shit you've been hiding is going to come out. Now crying is good it's a way to let stuff out and honestly the feeling after you cry is fucking awesome. But it's not good when no one knows you are, and if people know you feel that way and they don't care, fuck them get better to prove them wrong, show them you are powerful even if you don't think you are, grow and become powerful not just for them but for you too
I need a hug, but I am never going to ask for one.
Bro, people can be so fucking sad and Miserable to the point where they stop caring and start lying to themselves, telling themselves they are happy making everyone around them think they are happy, but really that person is wait to get home and cry
