DystopianTale Asides

The one where Asgore contemplates his existence

(Jk it's not that deep he's just kinda depressed)
After chapter 15

Asgore loved his children dearly.

But he did kind of wish his two sons weren't so stubborn.

He sighed, his head resting in his paws, sitting on his bed. Chara had once described his bedroom as an "old man's room" and he supposed she was right - pale cream walls, wooden closet, dresser and desk, a woven floral bedspread.

Toriel had made the bedspread.

A soft pang of hurt shot through his soul, his gaze leaving the bedsheets and settling on the framed photos on the wall above his dresser. Most of them were photos of the Dreemurr kids as they grew up - there was one from Papyrus and Sans's first time swimming, Frisk's first day of school, Chara's first school dance, Sans graduating - but the center picture, the one that simultaneously filled him with love and grief, was a picture of him and Toriel on their wedding day.

Without thinking of what he was doing, he walked over to the frame, raising a paw to it.

"You were always so much better at this than me, Tori..."

It was true, she would have known what to do about Sans and Papyrus; while Asgore...

He didn't know what he could do. Sure, he talked to Sans and told him to call his brother, and Sans had said he would but...

Well, you didn't have four kids and not learn when to tell when they're lying.

That being said, Sans didn't lie unless he thought he had a "good reason" to, and the reason can range from "not wanting to be a burden" to "I'm doing this to keep others safe", and that fact alone was enough to make the old goat feel his insides twist with worry.

Plus, the last time Sans lied like this... Asgore almost lost him.

And then there was Papyrus...

He couldn't really say Pap had lied to him, he just hasn't said anything about the fight, nor does he ever seem to want to. Whenever Asgore called, Papyrus was always quick to change the subject when it focused too much on him or Sans, and not only that, he seemed less like himself. Less cheerful, less optimistic. He was like a quiet, dim version of himself.

"What would you do...?"

She'd probably get the family all together again, Toriel wasn't one to take no for an answer, and bake a pie. She'd tell jokes and smile. She'd know the perfect way to approach Sans and Papyrus with the right amount of soft, parental care and firm words.

She would just know how to make things better.

She always did.

"I miss you Tori, god... I miss you so much..."

Tears welled up in his eyes, matting down his fur. Sometimes it didn't hurt so much, sometimes he could get by without too much grief. Other times, like today, the grief was like a shark, swallowing him whole. Grief was a deep, dark thing, and it had its claws around his soul, tearing and shredding it.

And the doctors had said he was lucky.

"Most monster's die with their soulmate."

"Normally your soul would have shattered."

Sometimes Asgore wished it had.

Thinking that made the grief mingle with guilt: he should be happy to be able to see their kids grow and start their own families, he should be happy to live his life for Toriel, live it to the fullest so she can be proud of him. So she can live within him.

But it was hard to feel happy when it felt like you were missing something vital.