End This All

"Sino sa'ting dalawa ang napagod?" Sabay naming tanong sa isa't isa.

Matatag at hindi papatalong tanong namin sa bawat isa. I've been with her for four years. Ako ang nang-iwan, so, what do I expect?

Promises that are meant to be broken. We cannot undo the past but surely, we can talk about how far we've become without in each other arms. I never meant to leave her hanging. I never meant to hurt her.

She looked at me bloodshot. Dati iyakan niya lang ako dahil sa napunit niyang plates. Natapunan ng juice at hindi na pupwedeng ipasa sa propesor. Iyakan niya lang ako, I would bleed for her.

"Babe! Mamaya na ang presentation nito! How can I present?!" She said while sobbing. Tumatakbong parang bata sakin. I don't know what to do everytime she cries. Everytime I saw her hurting because of our dream to become an engineer.

"I have back up for that. I made one for you. Hindi kita hahayaang bumagsak." Madamdamin at sinserong sagot ko kay Lav.

I may be jerk this past years but the last thing I know that I can do better. I can do good things for someone. She changed me. My love of my life.

We are both wearing a hard hat. It's too cliche of our situation because it's not very different from others. From lovers to ex. Nag-kita at pareho ng pinag-tatrabahuan. Isang buwan pa lang kaming mag-katrabaho but I can't help to talk to her. To have our closure.

"Ryle, was it me? Was it you? Maybe, both of us?" She said out of nowhere but full of questions.

Kinabisa ko ang bawat kanto ng kaniyang mukha. Her soft features. Her eyes. Her nose. Her thin lips. Gusto ko ulit hawakan pero hindi na ako ang nag-mamayari.

Ngayon lang kami o ako nabigyan ng pag-kakataong mapag-isa at makapag-usap ng masinsinan.

"I have been hurt for was like? Uh, since you left. Without a doubt. Without a word coming from you. Coming from the loved of my life. The one I'm very dependent of." Tumawa siya ng mapakla.

Ayokong tingnan siya. Hindi na kagaya ng dati na ako ang papawi ng mga luhang lumalabas sa kaniyang mga mata. Hahalikan ko lang siya sasabihin niyang wala nang sakit. That I can take all her pain.

I smiled weakly looking at her, closing her eyes to suppress the tears. Not to roll it on her face. She's brave. She's really been brave.

May mga pag-kakataong pinag-sisihan ko ang ginawa ko sa kaniya. Hindi simpleng pang-iiwan ang ginawa ko sa kanya. No words can justify my wrong doings to her. Matagal ko nang gustong humarap sa kaniya but I am no shame if I show my thick face to her.

Baka kapag makita ko siya magkukumahog akong bumalik at mag-makaawang tanggapin niya ulit. Baka hindi ko na kayaning mawala siya ulit.

May mga pag-kakataong napapaisip ako kung hindi ko siya iniwan para sa pangarap ko. Kami kaya ang kinasal? Natupad siguro ang mga pangako namin sa isa't isa. That I will make her my wife. We will build a one big happy family. Ang gago ko. It makes me more insecure.

"Babe! Pumasa ako ngayong sem! I just saw my name posted on the board!" Masiglang bungad sakin ni Lav.

Liked an automatic remote control, I smiled fully. I'm happy for her. Isang sem na lang mag-tatapos na kami. Nang makalapit ako hinalikan ko siya. Tawang-tawa pinagpapalo niya ako dahil PDA na naman raw kami. Ma-inggit sila!

"Congrats, babe! So proud of you."

"I want to personally asked your forgiveness. Some may called me coward after hearing my explanation but I came here not to justify what I did to you. What I did is not right. Leaving you is the last thing I would do but I still do it for myself. For my dreams."

Ang akala ko pag-bumalik na ako deserving na ako para sa kaniya. Since we were in college, Lav kept on saying that I was the one for her. Siya kasi nanligaw sakin hindi naman ako. Natatawa akong paunti-uting inaala-ala ang lahat.

Lumanghap ako ng sariwang hangin. We are now both an engineer. Pareho ng katungkulan sa isang construction firm. We dream this together not individually but it happened to be.

I sighed lightly. I smiled. Tinanggal ko ang suot kong hard hat bago nag-salita, "Engineer. Lav. I'm happy what you have become right now. I hope you are for me."

Hawak-hawak ng kaliwang kamay ko ang hinubad na hard hat at yumuko ako para isuot muli ito. Bago pa ako mag-paalam sa harapan niya tumakas na ang mga luhang kay tagal nang naipon. Mga luhang punong-puno ng pag-mamahal.

Nagsalita ulit ako. "Sa unang tanong mo kanina. Wala sa ating dalawa ang napagod. Iba lang ang pinili kong para sakin."

Mabilis akong nag-lakad pero biglang natigil sa mga katagang lumabas sa bibig niya, "I'm happy of what you have become right now. At... pinapatawad kita."