Life of a Miserable Teenager

Febuary 20 , 2015

Yes im doing a public journal . Not for attention , but maybe it'll help somebody else . Maybe it'll show someone else can see that there are others out there that are going through similiar problems . Everythng you read is and will always be true . Yes , I indeed have a crazy fucking family . Yes , most people would say I have a lot going for me . But honestly most people dont know what's going on behind closed doors . But all of you guys will . No , I dont want to be famous or what not , I just want to make a diffeerence in this world. I want to help others going through this war with themselves . No , Im not going to post my instagram or kik unless someone ask for it through comments . Please feel free to message me if you need anyone to talk to . I care about everyone . I will help you as much as I possibly can . But you probalyare like "Who are you?" Well , im 14 , my names MacKenzie Best , I have a "boyfriend" but not a "boyfrind" its complicated , I model for clothing companys , I have more than 10 siblings , I love bands , but I also lov hip hop and rap music , I skate , Im a stoner all the way , ive done heavy drugs before , Ive self-harmed for going on 2 years , ive tried suicide 4 times , ive been in a mental hospital 4 times , im homeschooled but once I move back to my home town ill be going back to public school , my mom is engaged to a loser , his kids mean more to my momthan her own kids mean to her , most of my familyhates me because ive had a girlfriend before , yes I am bisexual , and thats all I can think of about me . Im a very basic person . I guess you could say im a basic bitch . I mean i do love my starbucks !

Well since this is a journal I guess ill write about my day . Ugh . Its been really shitty so far me and Jacob who is the person I love very dearly want mesage me back . Weve been dealing with each other for 8 months . I would do anything to make him happy , he just doesnt care abou making me happy anymore . And it kills me inside that we used t be unseperable and now . Well . We barely talk . I make all the effort in the "relationship" and he does ntohing anymore ! But besides that im getting more weed tonight . Thank goodness ! Id much rther stay high and above these bitches then have to deal with all the immature petty gremlinlookin fae ass bitches down here . I got more clothing companys looking at my instagram to see if they want me to model for them or not . I hope they do ! I havent modeled in a little bit and I need to get to get some more business ! My grind isnt what it used to be anymore . And I need my money back ! I need to get ore clothes and weed . Honestly I have a really good life , just not with my parents or school . Ugh . I get bullied a lot .Ive gotten notes tellingm to kill myself and I get called emo and whore and fat and ugly all the time . And it sucks . But when companys tell me they want me to model it makes all the mean names and all that go away for a minute . The company wants me , not you ! And it makes me so happy to know that some people think im good enough for something . I just wish I could get bigger jobs . More cothing to model , bigger pay checks ,but we all start somewhere right ?

But thats  all thats on my mind right now . I guess ill be going now . Bye .