Trying

Return

Alton closed his eyes and tried to take slow, deep breaths, feeling the crisp early autumn air in his nose. Early September was a melancholic time for him; the trees were beginning to turn vibrant colours and the energy from the summer remained, and yet everything felt also slightly tired, as if the air itself knew that school was near, that the end of summer was approaching. Alton certainly knew it; reminders were everywhere, from the back to school ads on television to the update emails from the school, now entering his inbox daily. Prospect Park had been essentially his haven for the past two and a half months. It gave him a place to go away from his family, away from other people, when things got too overwhelming for him. 

This was where he'd found himself many afternoons this summer, laying on the grass by himself, breathing in the air. Going into tenth grade he knew to cherish his time away from school. He was going back tomorrow, and his heart was not ready. The knowledge that he was finishing the last day of summer weighed on him like a brick.

On queue, Alton's phone buzzed in his pocket. He groaned- 6 pm. He eased himself off the ground and began walking towards the park exit. 6:30 was his cutoff time to be home, and having missed it once before he knew never to be late again. Alton jogged his way to the subway station, crossing Flatbush avenue against the light and being yelled at by a passing driver. Alton entered the subway, swiping his card and sitting on a bench to wait for his train. Finally able to relax a little, Alton glanced around at the other passengers, also waiting for their ride home. The station was more crowded than usual for a Monday evening; perhaps there were delays? Alton watched a particularly tall man try to swipe his card three times unsuccessfully, before evidently realizing it had no money and going to the station booth. He was wearing a cheap looking suit and appeared not very well groomed; returning home from a job interview, perhaps? Alton chuckled. He had no way of knowing why this tall man was shaking in his dirty blue suit, but to him the thrill was in imagining that he knew. He breathed deeply, feeling calmer now. 

After a couple minutes the train arrived, the sound of its breaks squealing audible before it was visible. Alton winced, standing up and approaching the train as the doors opened. He entered the train- crowded, yet not as overwhelming as that morning. In the morning it had been so packed it made him nearly collapse from hyperventilation. The air conditioning was on in the train, cooling him off. As the train sped into the tunnel, Alton resisted the urge to cover his ears at the noise as the wheels screeched on the tracks. He had always been particularly sensitive to the sounds of the subway, and as such he was relieved when the train finally pulled into his station.

Alton glanced down at his watch. Shit, he thought. Ten minutes to get home. He pushed through the crowd, trying to escape to the street. At last he made it out and began quickly walking home, making it back at 6:28. He fumbled for his keys and unlocked the door, breathing in one last time before entering his home. "Don't worry dad, I'm here, it's not 6:30 yet," he said quickly upon opening the door.

"You're almost late," his dad said, a hint of restrained anger in his voice.

"But I'm not," Alton responded. 

"Damn lucky about that," his dad grumbled. Alton sighed and began walking towards the stairs to get to his bedroom. "Hold on, dinner's almost ready," he heard from behind him. Alton paused, one foot on the bottom step, and closed his eyes. "Please, dad, I'm really tired, can't I just head up to my room for an hour?"

"No, your mom got home from work just before you and she wants to talk to you over dinner."

This was the response Alton was expecting, the one he was hoping to avoid. Sighing heavily, he walked to the kitchen table and sat down. His dad brought dinner to the table- simple roasted chicken. His mom walked in. "Hello Alton!" she said before sitting down herself. Alton smiled weakly and waved back.

Despite what his father might have said, dinner was eaten in silence as usual save for the occasional scrape of a fork on the plate. Alton finished as quickly as he could and headed up to his room. His parents had spent the last week bearing down upon him about getting ready for school, and as painful as it had been, he now had the last evening to himself. He sat on his bed and opened his laptop, spending the last hours of his summer vacation watching youtube videos. He knew it would be months before he could do it again.

Finally at 11 his father came down. "You're ready for school tomorrow?" he asked. 

"I'm as ready as I'll ever be," Alton mumbled. "Goodnight dad."

"Goodnight," his dad said as he closed the door. Alton sighed and turned over, doing his best to fall asleep.

Before he knew it, morning had come, his mother there to wake him up. "Have fun at school," she said. "I've got to get to work early so I'm leaving now, try not to be late. Love you!" She left his room, the light on, and Alton could hear her closing the front door distantly. He groaned and eased himself out of bed. In a dreamlike state, he ate breakfast, brushed his teeth and somehow arrived at the school on time.

Taped to the front doors like some kind of sick joke were overly enthusiastic "welcome back!" signs. Already someone had written with sharpie "...to hell". Alton smiled at that, but his smile instantly melted when he saw how many kids were inside. "I'm not ready for this," he breathed. Trying to plaster a smile on his face, he pushed open the door and instantly winced at the sound of a thousand excited kids calling to their friends. Alton sighed and headed to the auditorium by himself, having no one to call out to.

Alton sat down by himself, his leg shaking in anticipation as the auditorium slowly started filling with kids. As the auditorium became full he started becoming even more claustrophobic at the amount of kids near him. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe, waiting for the bell to ring, waiting to be released for first period. After an eternity it happened, the sound deafening, and Alton jumped up and raced to the door so he could escape to his class before the hallways became too crowded. 

Arriving at his english class first, Alton sat down in the back left of the classroom. Before long another kid arrived. She sat down next to him, which intrigued Alton; it was something he himself would do, choose the worst seat in an empty classroom. Part of him wanted to say hello but he was hesitant. Then the teacher arrived, and the chance was gone. Damn it, Alton thought. He was so close to maybe being able to make a friend for the first time.

"Good morning," the teacher said brightly. "Only two of you so far? Alton and Elvira, am I right?"

Alton nodded, as did the person next to him. Alton looked across at her. She was wearing a large sweatshirt and had short dyed hair. She glanced at him and smiled, and Alton quickly looked away. Slowly more kids started entering the classroom, and Alton's thoughts were drowned out by the chatter. 

"Good morning and welcome to my English class, I'm Ms. Delroy..." the class began settling down as Ms. Delroy talked, and Alton started zoning out already. My mission this year is to become her friend, Alton thought. He didn't know why, but it felt right to him. He always tried to make a friend and he always failed, but this year he was determined to succeed. He smiled to himself and glanced across at Elvira, who was silently looking at her desk, tracing the margins of her paper with a pen. Alton smiled and sat back, listening to Ms. Delroy as she laid out the class guidelines, the period passing uneventfully.

Finally the end of the class came, the bell making Alton jump. He was first out the door, closely followed by Elvira. Glancing at his schedule, he made a break for the stairs to head up to his math class. He became aware that Elvira was heading in the same direction. Alton reached his class early and waited outside the door, Elvira falling into line behind him. They were in the same math class. Alton drew his breath in sharply. This was going to complicate things a bit, he thought, and he began gripping his hands together, waiting apprehensively for the beginning of the next class.