personal stories/diary

toxic sara

me and sara met in 9th grade health class and became friends sort of quickly, our friendship lasted a year.
she was like that dirty minded friend that corrupted the innocent puppy of a friend.
she would talk to me about her sexual experiences, how she likes this guy and this girl and this person, how she found this person hot etc etc.
sophomore year was when a lot of things happened, as i stated in the john chapter she and john were friends and when i confided in her about john she would talk about how he has a crush on me and we should try to date even tho i wasn't into john that way.
she would tell me what foreplay is and how to give hickies.
she'd bring alcohol and weed to school, we'd go to school games together, we were friends, she was the one that pushed me into learning more sex ed things and pushed me into learning about myself and exploring things, she was also the final straw for me to get out of religion, that final straw was a small weak straw so even if sara didn't break it it was going to break sooner or later.
this one day i was talking to sara about how my parents won't let me see a therapist and how they wouldn't listen to me about not wanting to take meds cuz they make me feel just horrible, and sara said and i quote (it's been in my head since she said it) "i'll be your therapist till you are able to get one" and so i occasionally talked to her about it not a lot it was mainly mutual venting about parents and family and school just basic teen shit.
one day i was talking to her and i said "i kind of want to kill myself but not actually hurt myself just stop living/existing" and she said "so do it" and later that day and for the following few days she would send me articles on how to kill myself.
sara ended up moving cuz her parents wanting to help out one of her grandmothers and we talked a bit but i brought something up about john and how he acts completely different in real life than he does texting (and i mean massively different like they're 2 people) and she just blew up on me about how i treated her like a therapist (yep that's why i remember that one quote from her) and how i'm a downer and negative all the time then she unfollowed me and most of the people we went to school with except the last guy she hooked up with before moving.
and after that after dealing with her i kind of became reserved, i had a harder time trusting people and didn't open up much with people.
it's been almost 3 years since sara and i last talked yet i still vividly remember the last physical month of our friendship and that because i'm still dealing with the trauma it gave me and the other issues i have because of it.