CONTENT WARNING : This story contains depictions of depression, hopelessness, guilt, anxiety, PTSD and suicidal ideation. Please do not read this if one or more of these topics are triggering for you. HEED. THE. TAGS. I did not write this with the intention of glorifying mental illness. Thank you for reading this. Any and all feedback are extremely appreciated. :)
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Yusuke were cold, dark, and empty; those eyes of his. His eyes have seen many things. So much hate and ignorance.
He wants to scream.
His hands are cold, but keep holding sam's hand. He doesn’t speak. He doesn’t cry.
His mind reliving the endless cycle of misery he has endured. It amazes him how he is still alive. The same question lingering in his head, Why me? However, he had an answer to that already. That damned phrase "Its your fault and no one else's".
" ... Don't die on me. If you die, I'm coming with you." Yu spoke lowly to himself.
“I...” His voice wavered, uncertainty getting a hold of him as he forced the words out yet again. His stomach churned unpleasantly and he felt cold. Too cold. “I am sorry. I'm so sorry...”
He couldn’t even say his name. His best friend's name. but, Is he even worth to say it?
He inhaled through his nose and exhaled through his mouth. He continued his mantra with much difficulty.
“... i know .. it's my fault.. it's my fault .. it's my fault ..I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry please forgive me,” He repeated, his voice barely above a whisper. His hands shook as his index finger rested on the light switch. “im sorry because of me you lost your dady. I'm sorry I take your dady away. It's my fault. They're right. I'm a jinxed. ” His tears started to make his eyes progressively more blurry as they ran down his face
his voice becoming croaky And his thoughts started spiralling
“I really do deserve this”
“I don’t deserve you”
“you would be much better off without me, the only thing I ever cause is pain to those around me”
“I really don’t deserve to be alive”
He griped his hair really hard with one of his hands until he started shaking.
" .. I'm so sorry.. open your eyes.. i .. i promise, I'll do anything, I'll get your revenge, I'll kill them all, I'll give you my life, I'll even give you the world if you wish. So please, wake up. I need your smile. You're my everything. You promise we'll be together forever. You won't break your promise, won't you? .. please don't leave me .. don't meet my mom .. please stay here. It's okay if you hate me.. just .. just stay here. With me" Yusuke said extremely desperately and restlessly while trying his hardest not to drown in his own tears.
Yusuke's not eating, he can’t, sammy loved food, how could he enjoy it without him? Sammy's sleeping too much, of course he is, dreams are now the only way he can see his dady, feel him, touch him, smell him, hug him, and if he can’t do those things then he can’t survive, right? Yu's staring at sammy's sleeping face, the one the one who's always kind, noisy, accompany him, show him the new world. Yusuke's staring at the bookshelf, at the books that sam organized, but he isn’t able to read any, reading was YU's favorite, but who would he be to disturb that? YU can’t listen to music or play piano, though it was the thing that make him calm, why should he be allowed to feel calm when sammy didn't response and keep closing his eyes.
It’s been two and a half days, Yusuke's still angry, but now he’s bargaining too. Sam's has become his everything he could ever need, the love of his life, his best friend, his shoulder to cry on, his motivation, and his downfall.
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White Lies - WBL (SamYu)
FanfictionYang Yu Teng a.k.a Yusuke is the heir of respectable mafia in Japan. He has miserable past. To YU, 'Sam' is his first friend, crush, his .. everything. No matter what it takes, he'll do anything to protect him. Lin Zi Hong a.k.a Sam Lin obsessed to...
