The Truth Behind The Pain

CHAPTER 1: Discovering Her

     Before I tell you my story I'd like to warn you that these are actual events of my life. Now my way of writing may be unorthodox to the average person but pay no attention to the way this is written, just the contents of its pages. When I'm done, if you can relate to my life, I pray that you have been given a stronger heart than mine. If not, then welcome to my world. The identities of the actual people shall be changed in this story so keep in mind that these names are simply fictional. I guess I should begin. The whereabouts of my birth is not important, only what happened while I was there. My mother is religious, but I had never been to a church until I was about seven. Do not worry, I won't bore you with the several years I spent there. That is not where this story begins. Now, this will not be one of those stories where my innocence is declared as I travel through the despair and malicious ways of the human mind and action. I am a guilty man. I have made many mistakes. Here it is.

    This story starts in a new church that my mother had been a part of during her youthful years of life. That was when it all started. That was when she happened. I'll never forget the day. I was eleven. I walked into this church not knowing what lay before me. The life that was hiding behind the curtains. Waiting to reveal itself. If it were a person and had wanted to make itself known to me I would say no. Please stay hidden. Please stay away. You are going to hurt me. You are going to hurt so many people including the one person I have wanted to protect the most. I cannot be her protector if I am the one hurting her. Anyways, back to the story.

    People stared as if they knew me, but I had never met any of them a single day in my life or so I had thought. I walked around trying to figure everyone out before they could ever say a word to me. Words are deceiving. Especially in the house of God. Even as a child I had always been a very observant soul. There was not much that slipped my eye. The church was small with white walls and multiple rows of chairs one after the other with an aisle to separate them. The stage was fairly big although I recall it being wooden instead of blue carpet like the rest of the floor. That was always odd to me because it did not match at all and like I said, I observe. The stage was filled with music's greatest and most ordinary instruments ever. Drums, an electric guitar, a base, a piano and even large bongo drums with windchimes. After a bit I realized that most of the church goers had known my mother for quite some time and even myself as a baby. They told the usual stories.

    "I used to babysit you almost every weekend." One woman said.

    "Your mother never told you I used to wipe your butt?" Another said. Seriously on any other given day of the week I would have loved to hear about the many diaper stories and cute mishaps I had as a child, but I definitely never imagined it happening with strangers in a random church. There is a first for everything though I suppose.

    Then it happened. It had to be at that exact moment that I saw her. I didn't know it was possible to fall in love at such a young age. Everything about her just blew me away as I was instantly stuck in a trance. I cannot reveal the details of her true identity, so I'll use the name Sam. Her face was as pale as a vampire. Her eyes were as big and bright as the moon. Now to the average person her eyes would have no significance. They were a regular brown. But to me, staring into her eyes was better than breathing air. As if my existence depended on her every breath. So many things were going through my mind. Did she notice me? If so, what did she think? Was she trying to play it off as if she was paying no attention to me? That's what I was doing. No way fire could have been man's greatest discovery. She was.

    Now in this church, service runs about two hours on a good day and being my age I got stuck in Sunday school as opposed to the regular church service which was okay because she was there too, so I didn't complain. I got to stare at her for what seemed like forever. She sat on the very opposite side of the room, but I had a very clear and direct path staring right at her. Surprisingly, her older brother was the Sunday school teacher. His name is Josh. I honestly can't remember what we talked about, so I am just going to assume that it was stuff about Jesus seeing as how we were in a church. I would like to say that I was not paying attention because I was distracted with Sam but the honest truth is that I just have a serious problem paying any sort of attention in a classroom type learning environment.

    When church was over I found my mom while in my mind not looking forward to heading home. I assumed we were just going to leave and head home but instead my mother chose to say hello to one of the women who was also attending the church service, Lety Cardenas. It soon became known to me that this Lety was Sam's mother.

    "Joe this is Lety. She is one of my oldest friends," my mother said to me. I shook her hand and politely said hello as if it were the first time meeting her.

    "Don't you remember me? I used to change your diapers all the time when you were a baby. I've known you since you were born." See? More diaper stories. At this point they might as well start handing out my baby pictures.

    "No I am sorry I don't even remember this town to be honest." Of course I didn't remember this woman. I didn't care though. I was too busy checking out her daughter. All of the men and women in her family were tall whereas I was, and always have been, very average of height. I consider myself lucky in that area seeing as how my mother is almost legally height challenged and my birth father is over six feet tall.

    Notice how I went out of my way to let all of you lovely readers know he is just my birth father? That is a story for another chapter. Anyways, back to the story.

    Can't be too picky though when you are staring in the face of an angel am I right? I don't know if Sam remembers, but she stared right back at me. Thinking back on it now, I realize that when she stared at me and smiled, it was genuine. Most children don't feel any sexual or romantic desires, so I knew that when she smiled at me she was truly smiling at me. The innocence and the purity of a woman's smile is one of the most captivating things on earth. As beautiful as it is deadly I soon learned. After a brief conversation between my mother and her friend, they said their goodbyes and we were finally headed home. Later that day, as I was getting ready for bed, I continued to think about her. What she was doing. Was she settling down for bed too? I took my shower, brushed my teeth and slipped into shorts instead of pajamas. I mean it's the 21st century who wears pajamas anymore right? Probably more people than I am aware of but who cares. As I got into bed my mom walked in to say our nightly prayers like we used to every night. Afterwards she asked how my day was and if I liked our new church. Of course I said yes. After meeting Sam heck yeah I liked our new church. Then as usual, she asked me what my favorite part of the day was. I told her it was in Sunday school because I met new friends. When she left I laid in my bed knowing I had just lied to my mom. Meeting all the new kids wasn't my favorite part of the day. It was discovering her.