The Truth Behind The Pain

Chapter 2: The Days Go By

        After that day I would like to say that me and Sam hit it off right away, but that is not how it happened. Being younger than me she didn't have the same emotions that I had at the time and besides, her brothers and I became really good friends. While I am on the subject of the brothers, I will go ahead and introduce them. You've already been introduced to Josh, the semi-tall overweight dark skinned mexican of a man. He is usually in a joyful mood to mask the hidden depression slowly creeping through his smile and childish persona. I use "is" in the previous sentence due to the fact that he, to this day, is the same as he was back then. Up next is Isaac. Isaac was by far my best friend during this point of my life. He is crazy tall, at least six foot two, super immature and reckless at the time. Just like me. Despite the reckless aspect we would mostly play video games and watch wrestling on the flat screen. In the present day it's not so much my thing anymore, but I hear the Cardenas children are still obsessed with it. Although lets go real. The wrestling entertainment industry is not what it used to be. That did not stop us from trying to be those same professional wrestlers i made fun of. This next one is a two partner. Her second eldest brother's name is Chris although he is not her brother by blood but by marriage. Chris is of fair height and caucasian skin tone. He can be just as goofy as a cartoon character but surprisingly makes up for it with success in the work field. The sister of Sam's that he is married to goes by Liz, or Lizzie. Chris and Liz were by far two people that I looked up to the most and in the end turned out to be the biggest of hypocrites. Only one of the next two people really matters, but for the sake of the story during this point in time I have to introduce both of them. Erika and Joe. Erika to me was, and still is, by far the most out of place in the family. While she and Sam shared a light skin complexion, Erika had always been on the physically fit side as opposed to the general heavier set that the family was accustomed to. With the family being on a cult level of close Erika is the rebel of the family. Always going her own way, making her own choices whether they be mistakes or for the betterment of herself and her children. This is something that is highly frowned upon in the Cardenas family. Joe is the least important of this story in all honesty because of the fact that they do not stay married for much longer. Now that you all have pretty much met the entire family we can get back to my reality.

        At first, all was good. I would spend the night at their house almost every weekend, and we would always do some pretty fun things like wrestling in their pool. We would even go to this cemetery that was right down the street from their house and tell each other scary stories as we walked along the trails. They were really good to me, and I to them. For a while anyways. They treated me like I was apart of the family, and I definitely felt like I was a part of it. Not that I don't have a family of my own, but being the middle child has never been the easiest thing to handle. Despite my level of success and work ethic I was never looked at as anything but a child, So naturally my older brother looked for bonds elsewhere. To be honest, it still remains that way. Being accepted by the Cardenas family showed me what it was like to be loved and a part of a brother and sister group in a way that I never had before. No disrespect to my family of course. Perhaps I grew too close to them. I put that blame on myself, but of course how could I have known? My age had absolutely nothing to do with my blind loyalty and love. No one could have seen any of this coming.

        During the day it was all about my relationships with Sam's brother's, but at night my full attention was given to Sam. I remember the first night we spent together so clearly. It set the way for all future events both good and bad. We were the only ones awake in the house as usual because we would be texting each other all night, but tonight we decided to make our conversation a face to face one and spend quality time together. I stayed laid on their living room couch as she sat close to my head, rubbing my hand softly as we lost ourselves in conversation. We talked about likes and dislikes, hobbies and shared funny stories. After too much darn talking we got a little playful. Not sexually of course we're kids so let's keep it rated PG for now. I mean it wasn't intended to be sexual but she did bite my nipple so that's for you to decide if it was or wasn't. Either way it did hurt pretty bad but she was laughing about it which made it better because she has the cutest laugh. Funny side joke. You know the love is real when everyone including Sam found her laugh absolutely ugly, but you are the only one absolutely in awe of it. Just to get back at her I got off the couch and wrestled her for a bit until she was laying against the side of the couch. I so weirdly just happened to be sitting on top of her with her hands pinned to her sides. At that moment, all sense of laughter and immaturity went away. I went in for a kiss but she moved her head so my lips met her cheek instead. I grinned and slightly. She was making me work for her affection and was enjoying it very much. Sam stared into my eyes daringly with a smirk on her face. Again I tried to kiss her but once more I kissed her cheek. I pressed my forehead against her as I stared into her eyes, and she stared right back into mine. This moment is by far one of the purest I have ever experienced. There is no pain. No sense of meaningless intimacy. I crave this moment sitting here telling you all about it. Looking around this coffee shop while I type I wonder if anyone here has ever experienced such a feeling. This time she didn't turn away. Finally, my lips touched hers. At that moment time seemed to stop. I cannot explain to any of you who read this how overwhelming the sensation and the feeling of kissing her was to me. Her lips were so soft and so plush. For awhile I will forget what they feel like against mine, but do not worry dear readers for the universe granted me more time with her than I had thought despite everything you will soon become aware of.

        After that night everything after was like something right out of a fairy tale. Every Wednesday and Sunday we would see each other at church. Spending more time talking and staring than listening to the gospel. I don't know if anyone ever noticed but we had this thing we would do almost every church service. One of us would be the first to go to the bathroom and after a few minutes the other would follow. We did things like that to spend as much time together as possible. Young love right? Just could not get enough of it. Not to mention Saturdays when I would spend the night for the weekend. Looking back on it I know now that I always looked at their place as my second home. Sometimes even my first. That's how it is when you abide by their rules. You're accepted and loved. I'd soon find out that anything less than full compliance would lead to abandonment.

        For awhile, everything that Sam and I had going on was kept a secret from everyone. After so much time had gone by I knew I had to tell someone, anyone. The first person I told of course was Isaac. He was just as young as us, so it didn't exactly come as a shock to him. He just giggled about it like an idiot. The bigger of the two people I had first told was Josh because at the time he was already a young adult. I remember it pretty clearly. We were sitting in his family's car alone while everyone else was inside of an In-N-Out.

        "Josh I have something to tell you and I hope you won't get mad about it." I said. I was so nervous at this point in time. How does someone so young tell an adult that I like his little sister? What he said next honestly shocked me, but I was ultimately so relieved.

        "What that you and my sister are dating?" Holy shit. That is what went through my mind in that moment while I stared at him scared to reply. Josh was a very loving and playful guy but let's face it. He was like three times my size and could easily crush me. Not because of his weight you judgmental pricks.

        "Yeah what the heck? Did you know this entire time?" I replied.

        "It was kind of obvious if you pay enough attention. You two have been spending more time together at the house." I am such an idiot. Of course people were going to notice. Who else knew? Did her parents already know? No of course not. They would have definitely said something by now. I just had to ask though.

        "So does anyone else know? Chris and Liz? Do they know?"

        "Yeah they know. Erika and Joe too." Well damn. I suck at being inconspicuous.

        "Do you think it would be a good idea to tell your mom and dad?" That was what I ultimately wanted the entire time. I was young but I knew what was wrong and what was right. I never felt good about keeping that type of secret from Sam's parents especially not while it was happening under their roof. I was a young impressionable boy and I was stupid for listening. Before he had a chance to answer Chris and Liz popped up beside the car and Josh told them what we were talking about on top of what I had asked.

        "I think we should keep this to ourselves. They definitely wouldn't be so understanding, trust me." Chris said. That kind of scared me at the moment but I believed him. What was there to not believe? He had gone through almost the exact same thing. He and Liz had met and gotten together at a very young age. Although everyone was aware of it including all parents involved. Hell they lived together before they were even adults under the Cardenas roof. I didn't think of that during that point in time though, and I should have. Maybe if I had, everything would have been different. Too many factors were in play, but I was too young to even realize it was a game. A game called Life. I didn't know it yet but I was losing. See that's the thing about life. You can be so blind by the good that is in front of you that you fail to see the devil creeping up behind. Ready to take away everything you ever loved. If you have gotten this far into my story then please take this as advice from my present self. Always be aware. Protect what you love and do what by those close to your heart even when they don't agree with you. If your morality starts to question things it is because those things are wrong and you should listen. I didn't. That is the very reason I am sitting here sharing my story with my computer and hopefully soon to you. Some time had gone by after that conversation in the car. During the day Sam and I were more social, but we still managed to keep our relationship a secret from her parents as did her brothers and sisters. The second best part of Saturday nights was movie night when everyone was still awake except for Lety and Josiah. I would lay my head on Sam's lap and she would run her fingers gently through my hair as we pretended to watch whatever movie her brothers had put on. As those days had gone by, my love grew deeper and deeper but this was just the beginning. Reality doesn't mix with fairy tales very well. That is why ours had come to an end so quickly.