Please Don't Leave

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or the world this story takes place in. I own nothing but the plot line for this story: )

Remus woke up alone in bed on Valentine's day.

The sunlight streaming in through the one window in the bedroom was pesky rather than cheerful, and the cold and crisp air induced a melancholy blankness in him, all in sharp contrast to this day last year. Last year when he woke up to drowsy smiles and lazy kisses. Last year when he had been happy and in love despite the war raging around him.

He did not want to get off the bed. He did not want to be reminded of all the ways things had changed since last year.

His mind was an empty shell, weighing him down. His body hurt from the last moon a few days ago, which he'd spent with other werewolves just a few days back. That was the issue, Remus knew. It had all started with Sirius demanding to know about Remus' missions, and Remus refusing due to a combination of respect for Dumbledore and shame because of the nature of his missions.

He absolutely detested spending time with others of his kind, hated being reminded that he was one of them. He didn't really belong with those he called friends and he'd never really be one of them instead. He was a monster, a beast; a tame wolf, at best; and that was all he'd ever be.

He slowly made his way across the cold floor of the tiny flat he shared with Sirius, considering if he should move out. It wasn't like they were really together anymore, right? They hadn't officially broken up, but lately they were more like strangers sharing a flat. Sirius would make excuses so they weren't ever together alone in a room as much as he could, and even when they were, the silence was heavy and hostile. Which led to Remus avoiding Sirius too.

He couldn't tell how it began. He remembered Sirius had been acting weird around him a few months ago, being clingy and constantly telling him how much he loved him with an undercurrent of insecurity, an emotion which was rare in Sirius.

And then came the frequent staring, the accusing eyes. The awkward silences. Sirius would flinch whenever Remus touched him without warning. That hurt. Both of them had a complex relation to touch, Sirius because of his abusive parents, Remus due to the body that betrayed him time and time again. They were supposed to be each other's safe space. That they weren't anymore was a harsh blow to Remus' already low self-esteem.

The gap between them widened until Remus didn't know how to cross it. He wasn't sure if Sirius even wanted things to go back to the way it used to be. It seemed that somewhere along the line, Sirius had fallen out of love with him.

Which shouldn't be surprising, really. Remus knew he wasn't exactly a catch. He was broken, an outcast to both society and his own mind. He knew his self-hatred frustrated Sirius to no end, his lycanthropy was tiring at the best of times, and Remus himself had so many issues to work through that made him hard to be with. His mind, his body, his social standing, his future; all were painful to acknowledge and near impossible to change.

And Sirius had his own issues to sort through. He didn't need Remus' burdens added onto his.

The one part of Remus that was selfish said that that was exactly why they fell in love in the first place. They were both liable to break into pieces at any moment, but they always knew how to put each other back together. They got each other.

But it was undeniable that Sirius was no longer in love with him, no matter how much it hurt to think about it. The way Sirius actively avoided him without even pretending otherwise, the stares that were devoid of the soft gentleness that Remus was used to; it couldn't mean anything else. Maybe Sirius was trying to find a way to let Remus down lightly. With how well he knew Remus, he must know how pathetically in love he still was. Maybe Remus should just make things easier for the both of them and break up with Sirius himself.