You're Somebody Else || A Bensler/EO Reunion Fanfiction

Her

Olivia made her way to the waiting room, her mind reeling from the conversation with Kathy. She paced, unable to sit, as she processed every single word that had been said. She ran both her hands over her forehead, pushing back into her hair as she walked... her heart raced dangerously. The weight of the promise she had made hung over her...the weight of what that promise meant. Kathy must be in incomparable pain she thought to herself, chewing at her lower lip. Even in the car, when Kathy's legs had been pinned and she had begun to bleed out, Kathy had never asked this of Olivia...Kathy had never felt that she was dying, that she needed to make sure Elliot would be okay without her. 

Before Olivia knew it, her breaths were coming in short gasps... her heart pounding incessantly and she needed to sit. Her grip on the arms of the chair she sank into was so tight that the palms of her hands began to throb and her knuckles turned white. Her vision became so warped she had to shut her eyes tight, as if blocking out the chaos of the world around her. She wasn't aware of it, but she was shaking...the blood running from her face as she felt herself fill with a sense of dread so profound it threatened to overwhelm her. She hadn't felt this way in years, not to this extent. The waves of the panic attack crashed over her with the force of a tsunami and she could hardly hold herself together. The tightness in her chest threatened to overwhelm her, to make her collapse right there...unable to breath or speak. 

The gold flash of Elliot's shield on the butt of her gun caught her eye, a reminder of the person who had meant the most to her... She had never felt so distant from him as she did in that moment, her wrists encased in her own handcuffs...bound above her as she found herself tied to the metal bed frame. William Lewis stood before her, staring at her the way a hyena would at a slab of meat... she felt helpless, alone. Dread welled up within her as she accepted that this would be it, she would never see him again. She would never be able to tell him the truth, never be able to express to him why his departure from her life had unhinged her the way it did. Elliot Stabler was gone and soon, thanks to William Lewis, Olivia Benson would be to...

She was sweating now, a cold sweat that appeared on her forehead and down her back. The fought against the images in her mind, the memories of what nearly happened to her seven years ago. She clenched her jaw and tried to focus on something else, anything else. She swallowed, hard, and focused on the hospital sounds... phones ringing, chatter amongst doctors and nurses, doors opening and closing. She felt the tightness in her chest begin to dissipate and her grip on the chair relaxed slightly, her eyes fluttering open as she began to move herself past the dread that had welled up within her. She took a deep breath, savoring the oxygen as it replenished her system, and released it, a heavy sigh. She needed to compose herself, knowing that any minute Elliot could come out of the hospital room, knowing that she wasn't ready for him to see her this way. She wasn't sure she ever would be. 

Promise me... Kathy's words echoed in her mind, her gaze drawn down the corridor to where her room was, to where she lay in a hospital bed fighting for her life with her husband at her side. It was a bond Olivia had never had, the sort that binds you to another person - your equal - with no questions, no conditions. She had Noah now, her sweet boy, but that was different...she felt a love for him that surpassed any love she had ever felt before. He was her son, the light of her life and her entire reason for being. But someday he too would grow up, move on, and find an equal of his own to live out his days with... something that Olivia had frankly given up on having. Kathy had that, she had a man who had given up a career and best friend to make her happy...to be the husband that she deserved and the father their kids deserved. Olivia smiled, sadly, at the thought, aware now that Kathy knew how lucky she was... Kathy also knew the sacrifice made, the truth of it all. Olivia sighed, standing from the chair and moving to lean against the door frame of the waiting room, her gaze settled firmly on the door to Kathy's room.