夢 - 2021 rewrite

chapter twenty-two

うちはサスケ

mata kondo da

Of all the nights he'd spent, watching a base a mile into the distance, this was the first in days he'd spent in bed, on the verge of sleep. And, perhaps it was because of the overthinking caused by Satoshi's too personal confession about two rings and a necklace and medicinal ointment, or the nerves buzzing around the crow perched up on their balcony, or perhaps it was the still-present headache from colliding into Satoshi's thick skull--but, either way, Hideki was exhausted, both in mind and body, and Itachi's crow had yet to retreat.

So, for the time being, Hideki thought over for the umpteenth time the conversation he'd had with Satoshi.

"Holy crap, Toshi, what the..." He'd commented, staring at two rusted rings. "When did you...?"

"I got them made during the war. From TenTen."

"And you were going to...?"

"Yeah," Satoshi ran a hand through his hair, nodding. "I was gonna propose, you know. I planned to do it, but, a few days before it, we had to leave."

"Why didn't you--Why didn't you do it earlier?" Hideki had already known about the two's obviously exclusive relationship; ramen cups by the medical tents, running out on the same platoon, holding hands out on the field--anyone could see the two of them, bound by the eyes and the swinging hands, drawn together on a burnt and greyed field.

"That's what's been bugging me, you know?" Satoshi set the two rings down, stuffing them back in his pocket. "I wanted to. I was, I was going to. But, really, I don't know, something just kept holding me back."

"What was?" Satoshi didn't answer. "Toshi, what--"

"I-I don't know, teme, it's like...being here, it relieves me, for some awful reason, and it also, just, fills me with, dread," Satoshi quieted down, staring at his hands. "Um, yeah, but...I don't know anymore."

And Hideki, watching the boy's leg shake, cleared his throat and tried, "...a-are you okay? Do you need spac--"

"No, I..." He breathed hard, clenching his jaw, and closed his eyes. "I haven't been okay for a long time. Ever since I found that scroll, years ago, it's like...something, someone was telling me a truth I didn't wanna accept. And even then, I was just so...so scared to do something..."

"To propose--?"

"To do something I'm--can we not do this? I just--"

"Toshi, if something is bothering you, you can tell me," Hideki assured, lowering his voice to Satoshi's whispers. He could laugh at himself later, for attempting to console his only rival, but he hadn't seen Satoshi in such a state before. "Nobody else is here."

"Okay," he paused, biting his lips. "I was scared that, maybe, something wouldn't be right with her. And that scroll, finding it, I guess it, just, kinda proved me right. I don't know anymore. Hey, let's just, um, eat lunch now, okay?"

And here Hideki was, two meals after that conversation, sitting in his bed and wondering what the hell that was in Satoshi's complex and confused confession.

And, halfway through his thoughts of what does he mean and if it wasn't right with hinata then?, there came a shallow shout through his window, a mere crow's call into the deep night. He sat upright, peering out the window, and without a moment's hesitation he snatched Satoshi's coat from his dresser and his staff alongside it as he ran down the hall and past Satoshi's room.

"Hideki, what are you--"

"Stay here, Toshi." He swung open the screen door and took off the balcony, a crow flying alongside him as he landed on rooftops and traversed from building to building. The crow cawed, tailing just behind him, and Hideki pulled his coat on as he edged closer.

dammit you're too late you'll never catch him

And Hideki landed, stuck in the shadows between two rooftops and watched from above, just in time to catch Sasuke, passed out in the arms of his older brother.

Itachi, already donning a black and red cape, took off from the bloodied compound, skipping steps between him and the hospital. And, through an open window, he laid Sasuke down in the bed, bending down to reach his height. Hideki drew closer, closer than he should have been, and caught tears and a whisper and a forehead kiss and everything he'd ever wanted.

"Oh, kami," he muttered, biting his lips against the threatening tears of his own. And just before Itachi snapped his head out the window, baring a katana, Hideki turned on his heel and ran against the moonlight, running faster than the crow's call a hospital away.

But in a moment's hesitance, a step edging off the next building, he'd thought it over. It was either leading Itachi back to their apartment or waiting him out. And so, he stopped in his tracks, turning against the wind, towards the boy just a few paces away.

"Itachi," he whispered, blinking his eyes hard. "I--"

"Who are you? What is your business with my brother?" The Uchiha demanded, unsheathing his kunai. Hideki, staring at his own weapon, let it clatter by his feet.

"I-I want to talk to you," Hideki replied, stepping away from the edge and towards the boy. "Please, I mean you no harm--"

"You're not supposed to be here." Itachi pressed, sticking to his place. "Now's not the time to talk."

"There'll never be another one." He continued, with his words and his steps.

"You're right." Itachi muttered, gripping his katana tight. "Any business you have with me, I--"

And Hideki took a step closer, arms outstretched, and pulled the boy close, tight around his shoulders.

"I just want to say," he breathed hard, harder against the poor beating of his heart, and hurried his words before the Uchiha could leave. "I still love you, no matter what. And whatever happens, I'll find you. Before anything else can happen."

"I don't understand."

Hideki let go, ruffling the boy's hair with a smile. "You will." And, taking off in the slow breeze, he whispered the words he'd itched to say in only years: mata kondo da, itachi-nii.