south park 😦😦

stan and kyle x self harm reader

warning: suicidal thoughts, self harm, i guess family issues

word count: 2516

You practically limped to your closet and grabbed a hoodie for the sleepover. The sleepover was at stans house, kyle was coming too. The three of you were always extremely close friends. Cartman and Kenny too of course, but they were busy to come. You never liked any of them, you were all just great friends.

You brought your backpack into the bathroom to pack your toothbrush. You stared at yourself in the mirror for a good minute. Why are they even friends with me? I'm just a cunt who lashes out at everyone and ruins moods everywhere. Why did they even invite me over? They would be relieved if i was dead just like everyone else would be.

These thoughts were casual for you. You usually got distracted by something else and shook them off like nothing. You always thought they were normal. The thoughts caused you danger to yourself sometimes. Almost every night. Your left shoulder was covered in cuts and pinch marks. From yourself obviously. You were right handed and the marks were easy to hide. (if you are dealing with self harm please do not do this, i got caught when i went to get flu shots. like it's honestly not a good idea it doesn't fucking work out in the end. also if you are dealing with self harm in general text me: 3173166553. it's not worth it man) okay back to the story
atleast thats what you thought
You slipped the toothbrush into a baggie and gently put it in your bag. You fluffed up your hair a little bit and skipped downstairs. You didn't like downstairs. Pictures from better times were everywhere. And downstairs is where the kitchen is; a place where parents fought and a place where arguments always occurred. You didn't like the office either. You would get shut in there if you got a grade mom didn't approve of. And the living room, the land of lectures. You really appreciated your friends having you over. They would always tell you it was just what friends did. But you still couldn't put your finger on why they called you their friend. You quickly shifted into your shoes in hopes of getting out of the house without having to be interrogated by your parents.

Stans house only took about 7 minutes to walk to so you went there often to see everyone. Even though his parents were dorks, they always treated you like you were their real kid. His mom called you kiddo all the time.(MY HEART) You didn't always like being by yourself. Sometimes you felt secured that way because you wouldn't have to deal with any conflict. But often you found your mind causing conflict when you were alone. Frankly, most of our problems start off in our heads in the first place. You didn't really know how to deal with your problems. The dudes always told you you could come to them. Cartman made sure you knew he would beat anyone's ass if they started shit with you. He may be an asshole but he doesn't mean everything he says. Kenny would always say 'penny for your thoughts' if you seemed off. Kenny was an amazing listener and something about him was comforting. Stan was also a great listener. He cares a lot about knowing what's going on. Kyle would always try his best to get you to tell him if something was wrong. He's a bit nosy sometimes about it but he means well. But you were nothing. You never help them out. You dont have anything comforting about yourself. You're just an awkward idiot who takes up space. You hit yourself in anger with your thoughts. You then realized you were at Stans.

You slowly approached the front door and lightly knocked. The door opened to Mr. Marsh. "Hey (y/n)!!! Come on in!" His dumb grin made you grin back. "thanks! it's nice to see you guys again." you sweetly said to Stans parents. "The boys are in the basement, they're waiting for you" Mrs Marsh softly said.
"shoot, am i late? i'm really sorry if i am" you worriedly grabbed your phone out of your pocket and checked the time. It was about 6, the right time. You panicked for nothing.
"Not at all, no need to apologize dear"
"oh! thanks!" you awkwardly forced a smile at the adults and made your way to the basement.