Always, forever

Day 1, maybe.

Hey. I'm Athena. I don't know why I'm writing in this stupid book, but my therapist thinks it would be a good idea to keep a journal kind of thing, as a way to "express my emotions" or whatever.
    I think this idea is childish and stupid, but I can see why she would want me to do it. I don't really like talking to people, so I guess this is better than actually having to tell someone how I feel. I'm not the best at conversation, so I don't know what to say.
    Sorry, but this is all new to me. I had a diary sort of thing when I was younger, but I really never talked about anything that deep. Usually I just wrote if I made a new friend or I won first place in a writing contest. The latter happened a lot. I've always loved writing, and I've gotten pretty good at it. I guess that's another reason my therapist thought it would be good for me to start a journal. Who knows, maybe this journal will get published in the future. Wouldn't that be something?
    But anyway, back on the topic of me keeping a journal when I was younger. I did that more for fun. This journal is, a matter of life or death, I guess you could say. Marley, my therapist, if you didn't know, says that if I keep my emotions bottled up like I've been doing, I won't make it long. She thinks if I share my emotions, even just in writing, it will help me feel better.
    I hope she's right, because I would love to feel better. I go to her for my depression, and she knows of my suicidal thoughts, but there's something she doesn't understand: I don't want to die, I just don't want to live like this. I don't want to constantly be sad or be ungrateful to have woken up at all today while so many other people are in hospitals fighting so hard to continue waking up every day, but I just don't know how people do it. I don't understand how they look forward to the day. Maybe I never will understand.