I never liked going to school. It made me feel nervous and insecure. I always got picked on because i never talked, or spoke and sometimes I felt like no one would notice if I slowly disappeared. Normally, I was able to just sit in the back of the class and not speak a word, but ever since Sasha, the schools "Queen" who thought she was better than everyone else, started picking on me, I have a much harder time.
Let me tell you something about Sasha. She doesn't know when to stop. You could be crying, begging for mercy on your knees, right in front of her, and she'll still pick on you. I've learned from watching her so many days, torment other kids, that the only reason she does this, is for attention. If someone isn't looking at her at all times, she will find a way to get their eyes on her.
Sometimes, I feel sorry for her.
I used to have a best friend, Harry Styles, to stick up for me. He knew why i would'nt talk and he'd always beat up anyone who made fun of me, but now he was world famous. He was in that bad One Direction, surly you've heard of them. He was always away and I barley saw him anymore. He was the only person I spoke to.
Harry was like my older brother. Everytime someone was giving me a hard time, or someone was pressuring me, he was the first person on the scene. He protected me and he comforted me and I felt safe around him. I learned that the only time I actually could be myself, was around Harry. Whenever I was with him, I knew I was safe.
My teachers gave up on trying to get me to talk. They just left me alone and I went on my studies. They never called on me to answer a question, they never expected me to raise my hand, they just left me alone to take notes and go about my day. If only Sasha could be like that. I would so home and write everything that i was thinking in my journal. It helped me express what i was feeling. Instead of saying it, I would write it. I used to have dreams scratch that nightmares of the fire every night since it happened. Luckily they stopped happening when I turned ten, five years after it happened.
I remember it like it was yesterday, Harry and I were walking bac to my house from kindergarten, when we saw smoke rising up from somewhere in the distance. we heard sirens and people yelling and i got scared. I remember Harry held my hand the entire time and I could remember the lifeless body of my older sister as they carried her out of the house. She was burnt and covered in cuts.
They never found my younger brother, he was lost somewhere among the ashes. I remember crying and trying to run into the house, but the firemen held me back and told me to wait with Mrs. Coulter. Mrs. Coulter was in charge of foster children and she drove me away from my house before they found my other brother and my parents. There was nothing left of my house.
It burnt to the ground.
Mrs. Coulter brought me to my foster home with Mr. and Mrs. Shift. I changed my last name to theirs because I didn't want to think about that horrible day just from saying my last name. My real last name is Lockwood.
I didn't speak a word the whole car ride to the Shifts house. I don't even think Lori (Mrs. Shift) and Kevin (Mr. Shift) even know what my real voice sounds like. They still treat me like I was their own daughter even though they know what I've been through. Harry helped me through it all, he hugged me, and told me everything would be okay. Even though we were only five years old at the time, he made me feel safer.
Harry was the only person I talked to. After school for the next few years we'd run into my new backyard and up into the tree house and I'd spill and tell him everything that I've been thinking. I'd tell him how stupid Mrs. Daphne, our third grade teacher, looked with her hair sticking straight up. I'd tell him anything and everything.
Then when we were both sixteen he auditioned for the X-Factor. I rarely saw him again. I would watch him every time the X-Factor was on and I always found myself smiling whenever he sang. I know Harry had an amazing voice, he had shown me a few times and I thought it was incredible, I knew he would get far one day.
There was a down side to Harry's success and fame, I had no one to talk to. I had no one to tell what I was thinking. That was when I got my journal ad wrote down everything. When I was angry i never noticed it, but I'd end up writing darker than the others. when I was sad, I wrote very lightly.
My emotions were all in that book, just written.
Smile, it irritates those who wish to destroy you <3
A/N: that's it for now. I'll post the next chapter tomorrow. :)
