It has been a huge dilemma for most of us to find out what we really want from this life.As children we may not fear so much about reality, well not as much as we do today.Now, I think this is due to the belief that we have something, or someone to keep us safe.We had our parents, friends, and other people, from whom we get that sense of security.We felt safer then, knowing that someone would always support us and accept us no matter what our situations may be.But now, being adults, and with all this responsibilities and expectations - from everyone including ourselves - we become more anxious.We are afraid of so much that we tend to look for anything that could give us that sense of security.We may not really realize this, but many of us are putting ourselves into that mission of never-ending search for security and acceptance.We are afraid of losing it all. We are afraid of death. We are afraid not having that freedom that we had as kids.We try to fulfill this by working hard so that our children may get a better chance than we had. But would that be enough?Sometimes we don't see it clearly, not because it's unclear, but because we refuse to accept it.Because accepting that we have this fear - this anxiety - we are also telling ourselves that we are so much weaker than the person that we want to be.So, we tend to work harder, give more, frustrate ourselves and focus on the goals that we have in mind - covering the truth that we are only filling that feeling of insecurity.I know this because I, for one, am doing this for so long. I have no one now.Well, I have my friends and siblings but I cannot find that feeling of security anymore that I had when my mom was still alive.It was hard because the truth is I am weak and vulnerable - I have always been.Almost ten years, I've been covering that insecurity with success and fun. But I feel that void inside from time to time. It has been a long one, but I am still here. And let me tell you what gives me the push to continue. Let me take this opportunity to testify what I have that keeps me on track.I don't want to sound so religious and all, but what I really am holding on to is my faith in God.I tend to receive good messages from Him through almost every channel possible, especially on times I needed it the most.I am a lonely person. I am weak and afraid. I don't have someone to comfort me when I am down. Yes I have my friends and siblings, but we all have our own lives now. I always feel that it would be different if my mom is still alive. But I can't change that. So I spent my time on working and improving myself.Not that I think it's bad, but looking back I really think I don't have much to remember during those times.During these times, when I think of what I've gained, I always get to feel depressed and afraid.Then, I would pray, I would cry to myself while praying. And God would always answer.He answers, not most of the time, but all of the time. He was with me on every fear, every triumph, every pain and even in all of those times when I failed Him. I know He is with me. He comforts me, though many time I didn't know, I chose to not know - because of my pride.He's moving every piece of my life as what He'd always done. And I am thankful of that.He loved me. He accepted me again and again, though I always fail. This is the true security that I have.So what I mean here is that I have that security after all. I have always been struggling and stressing, just so that one day I may get that. But the truth is I have that security. I just didn't choose to see. So if you're feeling the same way I do, maybe you're just not accepting it as well.Work hard, have that integrity, get an insurance and save - that's not wrong. You may get to feel better doing that, but if ever that you'd get to feel that what you are doing seems not enough, try to look more to God and accept that you have been saved and that you have been given much more than what you deserve. And rest in His love and goodness. Then ask yourself again, what are you really afraid of now?
