A Fly's Broken Wing

The Day I Became Stronger

"I can stay for a while longer." I said, looking at the time my flight was leaving. We still had over two hours, and he couldn't go inside with me because only passengers were allowed into the airport, and we had to queue for our security check after saying goodbye. I couldn't see inside the airport, the tall windows were covered from top to bottom with posters, so once I went inside that was it. I couldn't see him again. This was it. This was our second goodbye.

This sucks, I thought. I really wished he could go inside with me so we could at least delay our good bye for a few more minutes. At that moment in time, I wasn't ready, I knew that a few more minutes wouldn't make saying goodbye any easier, but still a few minutes were a lifetime to me.

"No, you'll miss your flight..." he said softly. He sounded as sensible as always. This wasn't the time to be sensible and mature and rational! He was right, of course, I knew that now. Then he left me in the queue after a quick hug, but he didn't go. He stood behind a fence with all the other family members, friends and lovers who had finished saying goodbye to the travellers. I looked at him. Why couldn't he just stand with me till I left? I beckoned him to me but he shook his head. I mouthed to him that I would get out of the queue, and he mouthed back "No." I started to move out of the queue slowly, and he ran over to me

"I don't want to go." I sighed, holding him around the waist tightly. I felt my heart hurting and swelling, and a lump rising in my throat. There were so many people around, and I hate standing out, so I buried my face in his chest. I couldn't hold the tears back any longer. I had been fighting them all day.

"I know darling, I don't want you to go either." He murmured quietly. He sounded sad, but I knew he wasn't crying. In all the ten years I had known my husband, I had never seen him cry. Granted I hadn't actually seen him everyday out of those ten years, or even every year. I sniffed. "Are you crying?" he asked me, sounding a little shocked and pulling away to look at my face. I looked away.

"No." I whispered. He held me again and squeezed me against him. I could feel his heartbeat on the left side of my face. I closed my eyes and let the tears fall. He rocked me from side to side gently. I held him even more tightly, and took a deep breath.

"Don't cry, we'll be reunited very soon, you know that." he reassured me. Neither of us knew when we would be reunited. We both knew it would take at least a few months. "I love you so much, and I'll really miss you a lot." He breathed, and rested his chin on top my head,

Soon enough it was my turn to get security checked. I felt my husband letting me go. I held onto his hand for a few seconds, then it slipped away. I looked at him and tried to smile. It felt forced and my cheeks felt stretched. He smiled back at me, that beautiful smile that I miss so much but couldn't take a moment to appreciate as the security guard said something I didn't quite grasp.

I put my suitcase and handbag on the conveyor belt and gave the security guard my passport. He didn't say a word and gestured where I should walk through. I was numb. For the life of me I can't remember what he looked like or even if he spoke to me when he gave my passport back. I picked up my suitcase and handbag and walked through. I tried to look through the tiny sliver of glass window that wasn't covered up to see if I could catch a last glimpse of my husband, but he wasn't there. I walked into the airport and looked around. The light was too bright and the hall was too spacious. I couldn't do this, I wanted to walk back out, my legs were trying to defy me and I wobbled in place a little, almost turning back, but I had to do this, otherwise our future together would be delayed.

I took another deep but shaky breath and walked towards a desk where people were collecting their boarding passes. My legs felt heavy, and with each step I felt the anguish of getting further and further away from him. How would I ask for my boarding pass when I couldn't even talk? My voice didn't work, and I felt the tears that still hung in my eyes with a defiance, I know they would be there for a very long time, but I was doing my very best not to cry in public. That is just so not me. I blend in, I never cause a scene. So when everyone was gone I walked towards the desk and gave him my passport. He handed me my boarding passes.