Loverboy [H.S.]

Prologue

December 25, 1987

As the church bells ring the Estrada family is gathered outside in their finest dress wear. The winter breeze brushes through Fernanda's neatly combed hair, as she holds on to her sister Rosaline's hand waiting to enter.

Christmas day has always been an eventful time for her family, her Mother slaved in the kitchen the night before preparing a spread of different foods to serve. While Fernanda and Rosaline clean the house for guests, their Father watches all this go on while he is in his spot on the couch.

Fernanda begins to go over her outfit as they wait and do a personal checklist. She has had this list since she was a child, the list was ingrained in her head by her Mother. "All dresses need to be past your knees, you must wear stockings with them no matter what. No red lipstick or nail polish. Light natural makeup is only allowed, whores wear too much makeup. Shoulders must be covered at all times. No exposed cleavage." Fernanda can hear her Mother's persistent voice in her head as she checks off the list. Her long turtle neck dress paired with black stocking meets her Mother's expectations.

As Fernanda and her family approach the doors of the church, their hometown Priest is greeting each guest. Her parents are ahead and go to greet him first, her Dad having a bright smile on his face while shaking his hand and their Mom greeting him silently.

Her Father assertively guides her Mother inside, where they will secure a pew for their family. Rosaline goes to give the Priest a small hug then steps aside for Fernanda to greet him.

Fernanda has learned how to put on a happy face. As she stares up at the man who has ripped out the bright light she once has inside, he looks down at her with a sinister smile and open arms. She goes to hug him quickly to not to make a scene, he wraps his arms around Fernanda tightly making it hard for her to breathe. Nestling his nose in a hair, he takes a deep whiff of her scent.

He aligns his mouth to her ear to whisper a message meant for only them, "can't wait for your confession, Fernanda." Her body goes numb as he moves away and pats her on the back signaling her to continue walking in.

That name. Her name, now makes her sick. Fernanda has hated how it sounds rolling off his tongue. She once loved her name, this is only something else he has stripped away from her.

Grabbing her sister's hand for the support she desperately needed, the girls find their parents and go to take their seats.

The time passes by quickly for Fernanda as she sits through this service. She has learned the trick of disassociation, her mind wandered off to a faraway place where no one can hurt her. She can be the Fernanda she used to be.

Once the service has ended, people linger around greeting each other and wish happy holiday's all around.

A voice comes on the microphone, "parents and guardians please step outside. " This is the moment that Fernanda has been dreading since her eyes opened this morning.

Confession.

The church starts to become more empty as the parents make their way outside and the children say in the pew, waiting to be called one by one. Fernanda looks down at her lap as Rosaline goes to socialize with a few friends from school.

Fernanda might be 19, but in this town, she is still considered a child. She thought that going to college would bring her the freedom she so badly desired. In her mind, she would be able to be independent and on her own facing the world. Her parents quickly shut down her ideas when they told her she will be staying home for college and not to argue about it.

She never argued. In her house talking back was unacceptable, she wouldn't be able to get a word in sometimes without being shut down immediately and dismissed.

There are many things Fernanda wished she could do, one is getting out of this church. As a child, the church meant everything to her, this is where she spent her time with her sister running around creating mischief. The image of the church has been ruined for her.

Fernanda watched as the kids were leaving the church after their confession and going outside to join their parents. Her sister comes back to joining her before leaving her to go do her confessional.

This leaves Fernanda to be the last to wait for confession, she sits there and takes in the somber silence surrounding her. Usually, silence would be peaceful to her, but not in this case because she knows soon she will be meeting with someone who is supposed to be a man of God.

"He couldn't possibly be this, not after all that he has done," Fernanda thinks to herself. She sits there and twists her hands together awaiting her fate.

Her sister comes out with the Priest with a smile on her face. He goes to tell Rosaline to go join her parents inside as he finishes off with his sister.

Rosaline smiles at her sister, "good luck, Luna." Fernanda gives her a nervous smile as her eyes goes to find her black ballerina flats.

Rosaline leaves the church slamming the doors a bit too harsh creating a loud echo to fill the church. Fernanda shuts her eyes closed as her heart sinks to her stomach.

"Fernanda, look up at me," she makes no moves to. Fernanda feels weak and hopeless, she keeps her eyes shut defying his orders. Fernanda's face is grabbed harshly by him as he pulls her to his face.

Her eyes snap open in shock as she takes in his facial expression, his eyebrows are furrowed as he clenches his jaw at her defiance, "when I tell you to do something, you do as you are told."

Fernanda has nothing to say. There is nothing to say, he removes his hands off her face and goes to straighten himself out. "Do I need to go over the rules," Fernanda shakes her head at him as he gives her an evil grin with dark eyes.

He begins to lead her to the back of the church. She walks with him down the dark hallways that haunts her dreams. She turns her head at the confession room as they walk right past it to move into his office. Fernanda holds her hands over her stomach which is the only way she can think to protect herself.

As they both approach his office her steps to the side to let her in first holding out his hand, signaling her to step inside. She swallows the lump that was beginning to form in her throat and enters his dark office.

Fernanda has her back facing his as she closes her eyes mentally preparing herself for the worst that is yet to come. "Be strong. Be strong. Be strong. She is trying to prepare herself, but truly no one could be prepared for this.

Tears welled up in her eyes as she hears him softly close the door and lock it. She swallows down the sobs that want to escape her throat as she feels his presence behind her.

He goes to wrap his arms around her hips and goes down to whisper in her ear for the second time today.

"I've been waiting all day for this moment."