*WARNING: CONTENT GRAPHIC AND TRIGGERING*
Caroline and I had been dating for almost two months and I had never been happier. Little did I know, Caroline had been slipping away day by day.
One night I was feeling particularly sad when Caroline texted me out of the blue. It read, "I don't think things are working out too well anymore, I think it's time we see other people." My world came crashing down around me. I started to cry harder than ever before. I tried everything I could think of to change her mind. I was devastated, for some reason this breakup was more traumatic than the others. I remembered that I had gone on tumblr a few days back and saw a picture of this guy with cuts all up and down his arms. That picture sparked curiosity and I googled why people mutilated themselves. I found that it was an acclaimed stress reliever, helping people through tough times and making them feel better. I began thrashing through my drawers, searching, practically yearning for it. I had lost track of how long I had been looking and soon began to think that it was futile. Then I saw it; my salvation, my savior, my soon-to-be best friend. The blade.
I smashed the pencil sharpener against my wall and picked up the blade from the pieces. I sprinted to the bathroom, never had I moved so fast. I closed the door behind me, locking it, insuring I would have no interruptions. I backed into the wall and slowly slid down toward the cold tile, tears still streaming down my face. I held my newfound savior in my hand, carefully watching the way it glinted in the light. I dragged it across my wrist, hissing at the pain I felt shooting through my arm. The pain soon lifted and I was gazing toward the crimson river flowing from my wrist. I felt free. I needed to keep going, and so I did. I lost count of the mesmerizing slashes and the pool of blood began to gather around me; growing by the second until my vision began to blur. I was slowly losing consciousness so I quickly but conscientiously cleaned the blood. By the time I was done, I could barely keep my eyes open. I left the bathroom and went to lie down and quickly fell asleep.
I dreamed of Caroline texting me back, saying she was kidding and she wanted to get back together. The thought alone made my heart surge with joy and I jolted awake, checking my phone and realizing it was truly over. I will never get her back. Ever. I realized how stupid and worthless I had become, this only made me remember how I felt earlier. I went back to the bathroom and made more slits and gashes. I had come to an abrupt and life changing realization; I, Jay Diamond, am a cutter. And god damn is it wonderful. I'd become addicted to the feeling of the blood oozing from my cuts and the blissful numbness brought along with it.
