My Biggest Lie

Kabanata 2

Kabanata 2

Sky is really an art, it's already five in the afternoon, the sky is turning pink and I can also feel the cool wind hitting my face, and making my hair dance in the air. Just looking up at the sky makes me feel at ease and somehow it can make me feel free. 

When was the last time I went home like this? Ahhhh I can't even tell, I'm so use to this I don't why but honestly, sometimes I can't help myself to feel dejected. It's my fist day at school and I'm already problematic, I already have another shit to to fix, why am I so fucked up? Is it really me or my life? Is there even a difference?

I stop walking when I saw my mom at the veranda of our house, kanina ay hindi ko talaga alam kung paano ako nakauwi namalayan ko nalang kanina ng nasa labas na ako ng gate ng aming subdivision. Pagkatapos kong makausap si Tita kanina ay pumasok na ako para sa afternoon class, bumalik ako sa klase na parang walang nangyari at tahimik na nakikinig ng matapos ang klase ay nauna na akong umalis sa kanilang lahat.

Mom smile widely at me, I wave my hand at her and smile at her too. I walk towards her while the wind is blowing making mom's long hair dance, she just look even more like a deity. She laugh a bit because of it, while it makes me laugh. It's okay to loose everything for me, as long as my mom is by my side. I don't need anything or anyone as long as she's with me.

"How's your first day?"

She ask me with a smile.

"Fine, Mom."

She's start caressing my cheek.

"Did you make any friends at school?"

I just smile at her, she stop caressing my cheek and she smile sadly at me, here we go again. Alam kona kung saan papunta tong usapan na ito, I can lie and tell her that I make friends at school but I can't, ayoko na magkaroon kami ng hindi pagkakaintindihan ni Mommy, and she will get mad at me, it's so hard to ask for her forgiveness too, so lying is not a good option.

I just hug her tightly, I can smell her scent. I can feel her hands patting my back, I smile while she's doing that, I don't want this to end I want to rest in her arms.

"Asteria, try to make some friends-"

"Mom I don't need to, I have you and I'm fine with that, please mom let's not talk about me making friends because that's not gonna happen."

I let go of her and look at her in the eyes, she just smile sadly at me while I look at the other way just to avoid her eyes.

"You must be tired, magpahinga ka muna tatawagin nalang kita sa kwarto kapag tapos na akong mag luto ng dinner."

"Thanks mom."

I give her a smile and kiss her at the cheek.

Tumaas na ako para maligo bago kami mag dinner, I was still in deep thoughts while cleaning myself, my thoughts about what tita told me earlier is still bothering me, what if that Andrasta know me? what if he knows who really I am? what if he's going to destroy me again? he's the reason why I am in this situation-

No. Mybe I am the real reason why I'm in this situation, because if I only became a good and obedient daughter mybe things will be different, mybe it wont be this hard, mybe I wouldn't have this regrets and heavy heart. But is it bad for choosing myself this time? If I became obedient yes, things will be all different and okay, but te question is would I be okay? Am I going to happy with that? would it be fine if I let them control me in my entire life? would I be okay if I l obey them in my entire life?

I can feel the tears from my eyes slowly dripping down on my face along with the drops of water from the shower, I am already free and away from them but why I still have this feeeling that I am caged? 

Stop Fyre. Stop being so emotional! 

I took a deep breath and  dried my tears, yes. I'm being too emotional, I need to stop thinking too much about it, for now I need to find a reason how to get away from that Andrasta they might still have connection with my father, and if that shit is true I'm doomed.

For now I need to find a reason to find out if that boy know me, and if he did know me I should immediately transfer to another school to stay away from him, to get rid of him, and to get rid of everything that's keeping from being caged.

Mabilis akong kumilos at nagbihis ng damit, ayokong pag hintayin si Mommy lalo na ang pagkain, I'm sure that she will scold me again if I continue being mabagal. 

"Mom! Dinners ready?"

I asked while going down the stairs. 

"I'm almost done baby! Can you help me arrange the plates, please?"

"Sure Mom!"

Sa ngayon mas uunahin kong protektahan ang kalayaan na meron kami ng ina ko, ang kalayaan na matagal na naming inaasam asam, the freedom that my mother deserve the most. And I will do everything  to maintain our freedom, at sisiguraduhin kong walang makakasira non, kahit sino man. Even that Andrasta.