Chapter One

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He Was Gone:

Music bled out of speakers and filled the back yard crowding the people that already filled the place. The night was hazy already, and I was only half a bottle in, of Tequila of course. My messy dark hair swaying to the music while thoughts danced around my mind. I did not want to think about him but I was. He was my everything, and I don't want to start over with a whole new person and a whole new family to meet and all the awkwardness in between. 

"Hey, how ya feeling?" A taller, tan figure came over and interrupted my thoughts. Ethan, one of the guys from my friend group. I gave him a double thumbs up, and smiled. My smile faded when I looked at my cup to see I had no drink left. I lift the cup to his face while I get pushed into him. His hands catch my shoulders, and then fall to my lower waist. I look down to our bodies and then back up and maybe more is not a good idea, but I hear myself ask anyway. 

"Do you have any Svedka? Like mango something?" My words come out more slurred than I thought they would.

He laughs and takes my cup, "I think I have like a strawberry something you might like in the house." He pushes through the crowd, and holds my hand to pull me through with him. 

"Oh, wait this is your house? Like only yours?" I trip going into the place, and he shuts the door. He chuckles, I watch as he pours me some Pink Cranberry juice with strawberry Malibu rum. Not as much as I would like, but I'm already gone so I don't care. 

His house is so beautiful, but definitely missing a woman's touch. It kind of has a frat house vibe. Not every home is perfect however. Clearly, I mean look at the divorce statistics love really has become outdated. Anyways, his kitchen has these dark black, modern cabinets with a dark gray backsplash of what looks like little bricks or stones. Very open and spacey with a countertop bar. The gray washed wood flooring completed the master piece. I walk around being nosey. Until, I feel this knot in my stomach. "Do you have a bathroom?" I question. Nausea and dizziness creeps up on me and I feel a lot hotter than I did a second ago. 

"Yeah, it's upstairs around the corner on the left."

While nodding I head up the stairs, holding onto the railing tight, but the whole world seemed to be spinning out of control or maybe everything around me was. The top of the stairs became the bottom of the stairs just before nothing. Nothing but darkness.

"Ailee!"

I hear him yell, and then the world just seems to slip out from under me.

                                                                    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I want to just stay asleep. I want to cuddle up in my sadness, and hide in there forever. I start to hear faint talking in the background, and it took me a minute to realize who it was. Ethan, and some guy with a higher pitch in his tone. 

"Yeah, man, nah I'm gonna turn in and make sure Ailee is okay. Is her boyfriend here? Can you grab him?"

"They broke up I think, man. You don't have to worry about a thing, bro!" Through the haze my brain still has over me I watch as the guy play punches Ethan's shoulder. 

"Don, your fucking disgusting."

I groan, and roll over. The door slams on the other guy with black, messy hair. I watch as he disappears into his closet to grab a shirt and throws it on the bed to me. "I, well, that doesn't look too comfortable to sleep in. If you want something comfy for the night, then I mean this or a hoodie." He shrugs, I just stretch out on his bed, and look around. "Mhm uhm, where can I change?" I stutter still very drunk, and while getting up almost fall again. I keep my hand on the bed to steady myself. 

"I have a walk in closet with a door? There." He points to it. "Don't black out in there." He jokes.

I nod, and head into his closet while trying so hard not to fall over again. His scent was intoxicating, how do boys always smell so good. Their scent lingers everywhere, but my perfume lasts like maybe two seconds. Not fair at all. I slip my gray crop tank off, and my high rise jean shorts then slide his long white t-shirt on. I play with the bottom of the shirt trying to make it longer. "Uh, do you have sweat pants I could also borrow?" I sniffle, and hold the shirt down. Why am I even crying right now? I feel so pathetic, and alone. 

"It's on the shelf in there. Take whatever is comfy."

I turn, and go through his sweats. I pick the black ones with zip up pockets, and walk out of his closet. "We have a guest bed, or you can stay in here and I can sleep on the floor if you don't want to be left alone."

"Well, I mean, come on we've got perfectly good bed right here." I slur, and get closer to him.

"Yeah, I'm going to just get a blanket for the floor for myself. I'll be back." I grab his shirt.

"Not what I meant." My teary eyes stare into his light brown ones, and I feel his heart. How have I never felt anyones heart like this before? Maybe it's actually mine. I look at his lips and tilt my head up. 

He looks at me and wipes my tear with his thumb, "Ailee." He breathes, "what happened?" He asks trying to think while we are so close. He's never looked at me like this before. I look to his lips again, anything to distract me from what he was asking. I look back into his eyes, and for a moment. I forget everything and go to lean in. He backs away, and turns his back to me. "Ethan?" I say suddenly out of breath. He runs his hand through his light brown hair and then faces me.

"I'm just gonna go make sure everybody isn't destroying my house and the party isn't crazy enough for cops to be called. Be right back." He says and opens his door, pauses and breathes out then leaves, slamming the door abruptly and I stare at the door dumbfounded.

I let the tears that have been threatening to fall all night run down my embarrassed cheeks. That really just happened. What is wrong with me? Why did I even do that?

Soon after he leaves, I open the door and leave his room. I walk slowly down the stairs to make sure no one sees me or stops me. I grab my keys off the entryway table in the hallway, and run out the door. "Ailee!" I hear him yell from behind me. I ignore him though. I get to my car door, conveniently and inconveniently parked down his road. I put the key in the door, and feel hands flip me to face them.

"Where are you going?" Ethan demands. "You're not driving your drunk."

"I'll be fine, never stopped me before." I turn back, and go to open my door but he shuts it. He turns me back to him so fast, and pushes me against the car, forehead to mine and shakes his head. His thumbs caress both of my cheeks. 

"I was trying to be the better guy." He licks his lips, and stares at mine. I melt under his warm touch. "But Im just not." He smashes his lips to mine. A fire ignites and spreads throughout every part of my body. I kiss him back harder. His hands travel from my shoulders to my hips then make their way to the lower part of my back as he grips my shirt. I put my hands around the back of his neck. Just as I wanted him to keep going, his kiss becomes slow. He pulls away and does something I wasn't expecting, hugs me. He kisses my forehead and holds me tightly to him. I sigh and even though i'm out of breath, for the first time in forever I can breathe. Why have I been holding my breath?

"Come back and cuddle."

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