Subliminal Messages~RVD DISCONTINUED

Do you always run?

I was reading through all the comments on Ruels post about what I said on Sams live a few days ago. A lot of people were asking about the situation and Sam was like we are doing this now. Plus it's not like I have anything to loose, he's already with someone else. Someone better than me. Analise was pretty dark hair, dark eyes but she had an even darker soul. I was glad I was light hearted and playful.

"Yo you think way too hard" Harry laughs.

"Yeah, I do" I say standing up from the sofa.

"Whee are you going?" Sam asks.

"I don't know, home probably" I shrug.

"Bye Midas" they both call after me when I walk out the room.

I grab my things and head out, my car was parked in the drive. I hop in and start the engine, Hero and I shared a car because the two of us mainly used cabs and ubers. The weirdo Hero is he wanted a classic Ford Capri which means I look like an old man driving my car.

The drive from the Holland's wasn't too far but the London traffic made it twice as bad as it should be. I spent an hour in traffic listening to music tapping my finger against the steering wheel. It was giving me way too much time to think and let my mind run away from me.

Part of me wondered why Ruel didn't choose me, the other part of me doesn't care. I'm at constant battle with myself deciding what's the right and wrong thing to do about the situation. It's been 6 months, half a year and my mind is still riddled with the way he touched me so gently and how he spoke so softly. I missed it all, but I missed him, his presence his family.

Coco stayed in touch telling me how he's doing, just like Hero does for him leaving the two families conflicted. My mum knows there's tension between me and Ruel but she's still going a head with going over to them for Christmas. Which absolutely terrified me, if I could I would avoid Ruel for the rest of my life. Like he's a disease or a virus or something.

I just really didn't want to have to have awkward glances and excruciatingly pain flashbacks of the year before, I'd be completely alone out there. No where to run or hide, I would be forced to stay and suffer rather than running like I have been. If it was up to me I'd run from that boy for the rest of my life.

If I'd have knows the trouble it would've stroked up bumping into him I'm Selfridges I would've ended myself in the shop right there and then. Now I'm way too committed and I can't just dissipate like nothing happened, I think the two of us were never to share intimate moments because now it's lead to both of our demises and there's nothing we can do but accept it.

"Do you always run away when things get bad?" Mercy asks me as I walk into the house.

"Most of the time? No. This time? Yes" I say pulling off my shoes.

"I think your a coward" she says walking away.

"I didn't think I asked" I shout back.

I head up to my room, which was empty. I felt empty, my entire body felt empty like nothing matter or existed anymore. No Midas no, we aren't doing this not now. I stop over to my bathroom running the shower. I get undressed and wash myself, the sadness disappearing after every warm droplet touched my skin replacing it with burning anger.

I get out throw on a pair of shorts and get into bed, if I wasn't letting myself be sad. I'll be angry till it kills me.