Searching For Happiness

chapter one

Everyday of my life I have felt like nothing. I had nothing or nobody to live for. I believed in God when I was a little boy, but as I got older, I saw how the world really was, how horrible it can be. Why would any God let such horrible things happen to such good people?

I realized that it wouldnt be so bad if I died. I live on my own, my family is in another city, I cant hold a stable relationship because of how boring and depressed I am.

I've only been in one relationship. Her name was Jenna. She was the most beautiful girl i've ever met. We dated for 2 years, but one day I guess she just didn't love me anymore. She left without any reason. Maybe it was because I didnt buy her a lot of gifts like most guys I know. Or maybe it was because I was just to sad that sometimes not even sex would snap me out of my depression. I still don't know why she left. I just wish she left a note or something.

I am now 22 years old and I am still so lonely and still too sad to function.

***
As i'm walking down the cold windy streets of Brooklyn, New York, I pull out my sketchbook and go to the nearest cemetary. I know it may sound creepy, but it's just so peaceful here. I get all my drawing ideas out when im here. I begin to draw a boy. His eyes are dark, and I make them look like he hasnt slept for weeks. I draw his black hair, some covering his cold eyes. He's wearing a black trench coat with black jeans and black sneakers. The boy I am drawing is me. I draw myself sitting on a log in the woods. I make the background very detailed. Tall trees, small trees, leaves scattered all over the ground, a beautiful sunset hiding behind the tall leafless trees, etc. Soon after I get interupted by a couple visiting someone at the cemetary. I quickly get up and head towards the gates.

On my way home I decide to go to starbucks for a cup of coffee. As i'm waiting for my coffee, I spot a very familiar face. It was Jenna. She was all cuddled up with some guy I have never seen before. My stomach churned and I felt a tear stream down my pale face. Did she leave me for him? I can not believe that she left me for this dude that looked half our age!

I grab my coffee and I walk out of Starbucks. I looked in the window and I flipped Jenna and her old man off. Her face was in complete awe when she saw me. And to my surprise, Jenna ran out of the store.

"Tyler it's not what it looks like!" she hollered after me.

"Oh really? This is exactly what it looks like. You left me for that old guy? Was I not good enough?" I screamed with anger.

"Tyler, you were so depressed and I-I didn't know what to do! I didn't love you anymore." she cried.

"So you just thought leaving me without any notice would be okay?" I spat at her and walked angrily away. I heard her call after me, but I kept on walking. I walked all the way home.

When i got home I was still angry so I had a smoke and silently cried. Why am I so emotional? I hate it so much. As I was sitting at my table, I realized how messy my house was and I began to cry more.

A/N: This is my first story on wattpad, so no hate please. I really don't know where i'm going with this story... but if you could give me some feedback that would be lovely.

peaceskies