The color red (Suicidal Kirishima)

Chapter six

Eijiro walked with quick steps to his room, closing he door quickly as he sat on his bed. He felt his heart beating fast on his chest, taking some deep breaths to catch up to his breathing. "Shoot.. that was a close one.." He mumbled to himself as he looked down at his covered arms. "Agh I should be more careful or they'll find out!" He scolded himself with a groan and put his hands on his face, falling backwards. He sighed, letting his arms fall to the sides as he stared up at the ceiling in his room. "That really sucked... I even missed the chance to get to wear Bakugous hoodie! Damnit!" He cried out and pouted with a huff. The real truth was that he wasn't tired at all since he had taken a little nap before. He sat back up on the bed, his legs over the edge as he looked around in his room, his eyes locking on the clock up on the wall. 11:30 PM it said. He sighed and groaned in boredom. He turned to lay on his side, closing his eyelids in a weak attempt to fall asleep.

It failed miserably to be honest, his eyes opening wide as he rolled around in the bed. He could hear some vague voices from downstairs, knowing the others was still having fun. After some minutes of rolling around he heard footsteps outside his door, then a door closing. Eijiro smiled as he understood it was Katsuki tucking in for the day, his thoughts quickly drifting off to imagination- all of them about the hotheaded blonde boy. As he found himself fantasizing about the boy he quickly shook his head and his cheeks heated up. "No no bad Eijiro" he said as he hit his forehead. "He is straight- let go of him and.. be good." He told himself and took some breaths. He closed his eyes again, trying to think of something else but these images of Katsuki washed all over his brain, making him unable to possibly think of anything else. He groaned and frowned, getting a bit mad at himself. "Stop.. or I'll do it again." he told his brain. If anyone would be hearing this conversation he wouldn't have doubted the red haired boy was crazy, but at the same time who cares what they think?

As he seemed to be unable to get the thoughts out of his head he sat up, muttering angry. He always got mad and dissapointed in himself when he got like this, but he would 'fix' it with the same methods he would use to cure any other kind of thoughts. He didn't know why he was like this, he hated himself for being gay since it was called a sin. Sinning wasn't manly, even as a atheist Eijiro still didn't like the words. He hadn't told anyone about it, scared he'd get weird looks and loose friends. It was such a silly thing really, why would they care if he liked boys or girls? He couldn't answer that, still his brain made him insecure about it. Another thing making it even worse was that he knew Katsuki didn't swing his way, so his fantasies made him disgusted of himself as he knew it would do the same to Katsuki.

Eijiro stood up and walked up to his desk, opening his top drawer to reveal some clean new razor blades. He smiled slightly at the view, doing that made him feel like a psychopath though so he quickly forced himself to stop. He reached for one, putting it on his desk as he closed the drawer. Eijiro rolled up his sleeves and watched as the bandages fell to the ground after loosening it. Looking down at his arms he sighed, seeing all the old faded scars under the new more open wounds. He grabbed the razor and hesitated for a moment, feeling the power and control wash over him as he just like always knew this could be his decision changing everything. If he put down that razor, walked away and never saw it again then his life would maybe change. But as he couldn't resist the urge he slowly dragged it over his skin on a place he hadn't been cutting on for a while. More and more pressure got added and he watched small pearls of clear red blood slowly fall down his arm to drip to the floor with an almost soundless plop. He felt relaxation wash over him as he continued, doing more and more cuts on his arms. When he felt pleased with himself he tossed the razor in his trashbin and wrapped himself up with new bandages and pulled his sleeves down again. Eijiro sat on the bed and wrapped himself up in a blanket then laid down to fall asleep quickly.