The Snuff Diaries

Introduction Post: April 22nd, 2021

I don't expect this to be something that lasts very long. This blog, that is. Although, my own life I suppose I'm also subliminally speaking of, as well. You see, no matter how many times I beg for my parents to get me in to see someone, it ends up for nothing. All my efforts are fruitless, and I become just some kid with a fucked up mind to them. If they knew my issues, maybe they'd care a little bit more. They simply just don't see what I struggle with, and maybe that's the problem. 

They don't see that I fight every morning just to get out of bed. They don't see that my inner demons are constantly tearing me apart inside. They don't see the worries and the self doubts nagging at me inside, whispering in my ear, "You're not good enough, and you never will be." I wish they did. But they don't. They don't care to see. So instead, I beg for help, I get ignored, my demons rage. I ask for help, I get ignored, my demons rage. I ask...for help....I get ignored...My demons rage......I don't know how much more of this I can take. See, all I want is for someone to listen to my desperate cries for help. So, that's why I've turned to the internet.

I figure, 'Ah, what the hell, nobody will read it anyways' and so here we are. Since you know now what my daily life entails, in terms of what my mental state consists of, allow me to give you a proper introduction.

I'm not so comfortable giving out my real name, so you guys can just refer to me as "Jay," alright? Cool. So, what's up, I'm Jay, I'm currently 17 years old, a senior in high school, with a 3.8 GPA. On the surface, I'm pretty normal. I like reading, playing games with my friends, writing, and I like watching movies. The problem is, I feel so empty, so alone on the inside. No matter what I do, I can't seem to shake this feeling of solidarity and isolation in a vast ocean of people. To be 100% honest, the only thing keeping me going are the same 3 splatter movies that I watch pretty much on a nightly basis. 

I realize how depraved that must sound, but it's just the nights get so lonely, because my own flawed mental state has led to severe insomnia. But again, nobody cares. So the evenings find me re-watching the same movies just to feel something. I mean, they do serve as a reminder that I could have it so much worse, and maybe in that sense they offer me a glimmer of hope. I don't know. I don't know anything anymore, and I suppose that's why I came here, to talk to a bunch of random people on the internet how I feel. Now, I believe I have a valid reason for sharing this, though. 

My introduction serves to give background as to why I'm making this blog. Again, I don't expect this to be something that lasts for very long, but I was recently struck by an idea that I think might be successful and also has a chance to bring me some happiness. You see, I've already made the point that 3 splatter movies are the only things that keep me going. So I'm going to start a blog, that is done entirely through suggestions. Any of you who follow me are more than welcome to PM me with your fucked up movie suggestions, and I'll watch them. I'll of course go into detail about them, and express my own feelings about them. We'll see how this little experiment goes, and hopefully you guys enjoy the ride. 

Now, as for the recommending process, please don't hold anything back. I have seen "Saw," "Bad Taste," and "The Evil Dead," and so I think I can handle whatever you guys throw at me. I am not blood shy nor am I gore shy, so please. Give me all the movies you think of! Quality is no issue, so don't worry about recommending some old, 80's cheesy flick, because I don't mind grainy looks as long as it's perfectly fucked up. 

Now, if you're squeamish or if you don't do so well with Gore/Blood I advise you to turn back now. I imagine that I am going to have to be discussing some pretty...Intense films. I can already feel myself excited for the future. If I even get one person to give me movies to watch, I'll keep this going for as long as I can (However long that may be) because that means at least one person gives a fuck about my thoughts and is willing to listen. 

I think that my brief little introduction and summary of my mental state and coping mechanisms is a good forward to my film journey, and I hope to keep you guys with me as I explore and discover new and messed up films. So in terms of things to say, I have no more, and I'm going to log off for the evening. Remember, if you have any suggestions, just PM them to me. I'll see you guys later.

                        -Jay