TW: DEATH
I'm really sorry if this shit, but this is the first time I've ever written about Regulus and English isn't my first language so I apologize for my shit grammar and misspelling.
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So, this is it he thought. He never expected it to end this way. But here he was, tears streaming down his pale cheeks, screaming at the top of his lungs and thinking why, why, why me. He knows that this are his final breaths and all he wants to know is why him.
What did he do to deserve this? Why did the dark lord choose him? Why was he born into this cursed family? He knows that his self-pity is truly disgusting and won't change his situation in any way. But the cold water is wetting his shoes and there are pale and bony fingers reaching out to grab his ankles pulling him down, down, down in the dark water.
His thoughts are blurry, but he can't find himself to care all that much. No, he is almost thankful. It makes this less... painful. Not speaking of physical pain, but the pain he feels deep inside of him, ever since his first breath and he knows he will feel this pain until the last breath leaves his body.
He send Kreacher away only minutes ago, the old elve begging him to come with him, to not drink the potion, to not stand up against the dark lord, to not die. But Regulus knows that this is it.
His screams die down and all that is left of it are silent sobs escaping him. It's the potion, he guesses. The potion blurs his thoughts, numbs them, pushes them to the back of his mind. And it's fine. Regulus is almost happy about it. Cause numbed thoughts mean, that he doesn't have to think about them, when his heart stops beating.
He doesn't have to think about Walburga and Orion, doesn't have to think about his cousins Bellatrix, Narcissa and Andromeda, doesn't have to think about Sirius, doesn't have to think about Grimmauld Place Number 12. But most of all, he doesn't have to think about Hogwarts. All those thoughts seem to be gone, erased from his memories.
Expect... expect for him. The person Regulus wants to forget the most is still as present as ever. And he hates it. He hates, how those warm and gentle eyes and this soft laugh and those dark curls are still there, right in front of him. Well, not really in front of him, cause he if takes a step he won't be welcomed by a warm embrace and the smell of broom polish and coffee, but by the icy water and pale, bony fingers.
And god, he hates him. He hates that he loves him, and he hates that he never told him, never said it back. Cause now it's to fucking late. And Regulus screams again and sinks to the stony ground, because he loves him so, so much, cause he won't ever see James Potter again.
But this must be done, and he has no choice, he never had a choice. And so, Regulus stands up again, closing his stormy grey eyes, taking his last breath, before walking into the water. Almost immediately the fingers close around his ankles and pull him down, down, down.
And Regulus isn't scared. Not anymore. Cause he's done it and someday, he's sure, James will understand why he did it.
I love you; he thinks before his brain stops working to the less of oxygen and this is it.
Regulus Black has been drowning for the longest time, so know when he finally, finally drowns the pain deep inside of him dies with him.
