A Love Like No Other: The Sequel

Chapter 4

(Brittany's POV)

That night at the hotel a few weeks ago was nothing short of magical. I felt like Santana and I had reconnected on a bunch of levels that had been worn in over time. The time away just me and her did us good, we were in our own bubble for 24hrs. A bubble that was soon burst once returning home. The boys continued to act out, Santana reverted back into her ways of avoiding helping out and becoming distant and I was left to deal with it all. This time though, I had some context to explain these actions. I remained as supportive and as patient as I could, but there is only so much of that a person can take before breaking themselves. It's wearing me down slightly, I am not frikken Wonder Woman, I can't do everything for everyone. With each therapy session I come to, I learn a little more each time. It's like an onion, layer after layer is being pulled off. Santana is never in the happiest of moods after her sessions, they're hard for her. So I am always on the brunt end of a vicious tongue, or an overly emotional Santana. Either option never has great results. She shuts herself away for a day or two, but soon comes back around. But it's my duty as her wife to take it and support her. In the little spare time I have to myself these days, I spend them dancing. Joel and I hang out and just dance, it's my channel of expression, all the emotions I feel I convey through my art.

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I can't stop bouncing my knee up and down from the crippling nerves of going into Holly Holiday's office for this therapy session with San. Since Santana revealed she was seeing a therapist I have been along to a few sessions, beginning to understand more each time what San is trying to deal with. But the nerves never subside. I start playing with my wedding ring, twirling it around and around my finger, thinking of the vows I took when I married Santana. I didn't take my vows lightly, I meant every single word of them, through the good, bad and the ugly. I sometimes forget what San has been through in her life, the sort of shit she has dealt with wouldn't be easy for anyone. San was always so strong in high school, protecting me, caring for me that I forget she needs looking after too sometimes, me being with her today is just a small part of that. I have my own opinions on therapy, it isn't for everyone. Certainly wasn't for my parents. My step father found out two years ago that my mom was rekindling her relationship with my biological father, Steven Hawking. She now resides with him in England. They tried therapy to help bring them back together, but it only drove them apart. So that's not helping my nerves right now.

"Babe" Santana places her hand on my knee and gives it a squeeze in attempt to calm me. I give her a nervous smile, she leans in and gives me a short but loving kiss on my lips as butterflies flutter in my stomach, I feel almost an instant wave of calmness come over me. "Santana, Brittany?" Holly Holiday pokes herself forward out of the door calling us in. We take our usual spots opposite Holly and begin the session. "So, today I want to do something a little different okay? Brittany, I have already consulted with Santana on this and she is on board. I want to base this session around you." Holly says. "Me?" I asked with confusion plastered all over my face. "Yes, you. You are Santana's wife, her best friend, the mother of her children. You're very much in this situation too, you have been affected, your marriage is affected. So I want to hear from you." I don't know how to feel about this, I look at Santana for confirmation. "Go ahead Britt, I promise to openly listen to you about your feelings." Now that's a therapy line right there if I ever heard one. I clear my throat. "Well, ummm...what is it you want to know exactly?...I love my wife, I love my kids and my job. We have a blessed life, a lucky one.." my voice trails off due to not knowing what is exactly wanting to be heard.

"How do you feel about the situation? When Santana was being distant towards not only your children but you too. How did that make you feel?" Holly asks as she clicks her pen in preperation to take notes. "I...felt confused, pissed off, frustrated." I respond. "Figured, but what was it about Santana's actions that made you feel said emotions?" Holly bounces back. "She wasn't..." I stop in hesitation because I know my words will hurt Santana. "Britt, honestly...I can take it. Just say it" Santana gives me an unconvincing smile, she's saying she will be okay but I know she won't. I look between Santana and Holly then take a big breath in. "She wasn't the Santana I loved. She was a totally different person. If there is one person in this world Santana is never vicious to, it's me. But I was...I am her verbal punching bag a lot, she would get super defensive when I would try and talk to her, she would close off her emotions. That's normal for Santana to do, but not with me. I am her person, the one she would always be herself around. In High School we were this power couple, everything was simple back then once our sexualities were out in the open. We rarely argued, we spent every waking moment together and we knew each other in and out, there was nothing one of us didn't know about the other. But now, sometimes it's like I don't know who Santana is anymore, what she is thinking or how she is feeling. She just never talks. " I gulp, waiting for Santana to react..but she doesn't. "mmhmm" Holly sounds out as she continues writing notes.