little poem I've decided to write i guess

part one verse one (i really suggest listening to that ∆ while u read)

Your gone i start to panic sulk away in my own sadness tears fears im consumed with sadness im feeling lost like the titanic sitting up lying in pity the only thing i can feel is the love that lingers from the relationship that used to be here but now it has vanished and with that comes all that sadness cry cry i want to cry but instead i just cover up my sadness wear a smile always works hides the pain from those previous words scream fall all i want is for you to hug me and never let go but nonetheless those never come out instead im just happy all around smile smile put on a smile don't talk about your feelings if you do your just weak and deserve to have your heart broke in pieces lie lie just need to lie a little longer I won't cry a little bit longer anger anger so much anger can't feel im numb with fear demons angels all of the fighting surgeries my dad may be dying but no no im alright feeling lost but its all fine smile just smile a little bit longer don't feel lost youll be fine soon no tears no tears eyes are dry lump in my throat as i start to die slowly like they intended don't feel pain instead i feel sadness but if you cry cry all you do is cry your just as weak as they want you to be so instead i lock myself away from the hands of the truth how long will I last before they get me too and crush me with they're hands..watching as i grow up thinking Alright parents so strict always stressful when in with them go to sleep wake up its early go away leave alone you never talk or interact so confusing i need help can't do it please just someone take me from this place that we call home i don't even have the energy to do this at all its sad that all this happens when your feeling gone you cry in sadness crybaby cry cry baby suck it up you just want attention heart less heart heart less you show no emotions its confusing i need directions to heaven where i find happiness im going down like the titanic I cry when im alone feeling down all alone fears tears consume me all of this pain it is tall taller then me and sadness fearing losing the one i love she's gone what do i mean talk to myself im clean for now not for long just another dumb love song happy sad angry emotions can't control the feelings i notion anger issues "YOUR FUCKING CRAZY" all i want is m'lady but i don't know if she feels what ive felt for so long she seems so happy but so sad at the same time i can relate to her same with her relating to me I think we're meant to be but i don't know if she sees it that way or not im talking about the one i love emma notice me emma love me the way i love you you make the pain go away even if it comes back some days i love hearing your laughter after we get scared together you give me anxiety cuz i see you as the perfect girl while i see myself as flawed not even single spot of me is nice i don't deserve your kindness but still you talk to me im just an annoying freak i like long hugs and rain watching the snow fall calmly you like all of this too are we meant to be or is it just some stupid crush all along i don't even know im losing me to you~ happy all i feel happy when im with you how did you manage to get the key 2 months in manage to my stone cold heart im feeling lost in your eyes blue like the ocean or the stary night in a clear time blonde hair look so perfect your smile i can't take it make me laugh even when Im sad your drowning out the feeling of sadness your laugh i can't imagine where I'd be if i didn't hear it its amazing never make fun of me so sweet always there just to talk and im so scared that when you find my feelings you'll runaway and leave me hear sad sad scared and sad but instead i just bottle that up where have the chains that protecty heart from being damaged gone too maybe because you got the key and unlocked it damaged it looks so damaged your slowly healing that damage its nice knowing you care i love you i really care like youbut is it the truth emma dear..i am so damaged it hurts you have to deal with me for so long your in despair run hide away from my damage don't feel lost your not the titanic love and hate the promise we had isn't gone just too hard to manage smile laugh you do all that when in there but is it just sadness or are you genuinely happy with me like i am with you or do you wish I was dead was that sleepover a mistake after all its where we met feeling crashed so empty emotions all flooding up help me i can't get out "EAT THIS EAT THAT such a bad kid can't believe you exist" all i hear are those words i cover my ears in hopes it works it does but not for long running away sounds kinda fun but no i wouldn't survive..kinda want that to happen "suicide is a sin!".oh i know i but i wanna go to heaven i wanna be up with god finally happy all day laughing and helping others seeing smiles so many others its tempting its so tempting feeling lost like a titanic run away all i can do is hope that i lose these feelings for you but no they won't go away your the reason that i get of bed everyday otherwise I'd just be laying in my own demise take care of the birds or else your such a bad child that's what I hear even if its not the exact said without you i don't know where I'd be all alone probably lying in bed crying away poor head aching all day what a romantic..

Honestly i could write more but in gonna add a second part so yeah bye