Vivid

Chapter 4

A week have passed since the newsie broke the glass window in my living room.

Still broken.

The days were slowly passing by, but every day was a usual day. I am still receiving lots of newspapers, bonjours, breads and eggs from the annoying french woman. I thought that I'll get used to it, but it is becoming more and more pesky.

As if the God above had blessed me, Aunt Laura hasn't been in my vision for a while. She didn't visited nor called me for the past week. And like what I always utter to myself, I don't want to see her, or even hear her voice.

My mind can't take all of these at once, it cannot process no more because of the continuous nightmare that I need to experience every night. Every nightmare, I hear Mom's soft and calming voice. It was supposed to be a good dream, eating cakes with my mother, running through the field with millions of purple lavender and colorful tulips. But instead, I am suffering from it.

I still cannot move on, my heart and soul can't handle all the pain.

For the past week, beer and cigarettes became my good best friends. As if they are my pain killers, making me forget the painful reality. It feels like the beer itself is running through my veins, and the smoke of cigarettes filled my lungs. They became a part of me.

I also have been a bum every day. The dusty floor and stairs became more dusty that what it was before. The ashes on the hearth near the living room were scattered, along with the shattered glasses of the window on the floor.

I just can't bring myself to clean it. Few more months, and I'm sure that this place will be full of dust, mold, and grief.

My feelings and senses were becoming even more numb. There were times that I am unconciously staring at nothing. I don't know if this is still normal.

Questioning myself, who am I grieving for, who am I crying for every night that I sleep. Am I depressed because of Mom's death? Or because of my unfortunate fate at Paris?

I guess I'll never know.

***

Just like every morning, the heavy feeling on my chest was my wake up call. I instantly knew that my body needs a glass of water, still didn't know if that would ease the pain that I am feeling, but that's what I do. Pretty sure that it is just a normal chest pain.

I got up, then ran towards the kitchen downstairs.

My plan was to get a glass, then drink a water from my sink. But it all failed just because of a knock, three times exactly. Oh how lucky I am.

Bearing the heavy sensation in my chest, I still opened the door. Guess who's outside.

"Bonjour!" Her wide smile, full of glow and warmth. As if she is the sun herself. I wonder what her eyes looked like. Is it warm yellow, calming jade green, or perhaps a cool ocean blue pair of eyes?

I never got to see her hair, it's always tucked inside her beanie. Maybe she always got a bad hair day.

Plus points for the smile, but I still hated her.

I smiled sarcastingly, "What you got there? My trash were full of rotten eggs and bread."

I was expecting for her to be surprised because of what I did to her every day morning gifts for me, but her reaction stunned me even more. Even though she's wearing sunglasses, I saw that she raised her eyebrows and smiled proudly at me. Like a kid who just won a trophy at a Science Quiz Bee.

"Well, I know that Monsieur!" She said loudly, then smiled again.

It is irritating, to see her happy like that, like she doesn't even experience a depressing episode once in her life.