Scribbles, Poems, and other Musings

新年快乐

I.
Waiting to go,
Wanting to go.
It's four days later and I'm still trying to find the right words.

Buses running, mumblings, Uncomfortable questions, false confidence and avoiding eyes with the tact of one who fears even that intimacy.

And then we were there.
We. I know who we are.
But then there's you. Sometimes a part, sometimes charged with power.

Batteries, lights.
Descending, darkness.
It's my impulse and my greatest flaw to explore the hidden recesses,
The curious, cautious places people try to keep you out of.
The funny part is those are often the most beautiful things in life.
Like black and white and french sentences mixed in to make it romantic.

Hidden, illuminated, your light and another
My eyes and another's,
Laughter and fear and the rush of adventure.
The subtle brush of an arm, the noticeable difference in size.
Low ceilings and dusty hair and oh god your silence
(or my lack of attention to what was being said) is driving me crazy.
I was lost in my partially illuminated brick and empty world.

And then we were back at the beginning and I said
"Aren't you glad?"

II.
We were back above.
Then began the show.
The smiles and the trying not to step on toes.
Coats and bags and numbers,
Cultures and pictures and chairs.
The anticipation and late start.

It began and we indulged.
Sat there through cell phones raised and camera screens because eyes aren't enough anymore.

Then one of us was in front.
One of our own was to be the indulged upon.
Served up on a silver platter.
We thought they were tears, but they were just shadows.

The most memorable part
(in my memory, which is quite unextraordinary)
was they tying of a bracelet.
I didn't realize it until it was too late.
The silken red chords couldn't hide the silken red secrets.
And I was belly up for 10 seconds more than I would've liked to been.
Now I'll give you a velvet red box and hope you forget that I'm not what I pretend to be.

Pause, more numbers,
Surprise! Not surprised.
Then we took care of each other.
I pushed through fear in the form of human bodies
We helped, and I was one.
We thought of your predicament
And his
And our own
Then we ran for the hills because after all,
We are just kids.

III.
I left, and my sister sang.
She doesn't do that often.
The freezing cold prodding my bones,
Feeling my immunities failing.

We sang and spoke of experiences new,
We sang and spoke of you.
We sang and then spoke of the culture
While I anticipated, watching the door.

That door, the one that leads,
The one that is large and conspicuous,
Behind which lies worlds unknown.
Just a few hours behind that door,
And my opinion of you was yet again changed.

And maybe I can't help but notice
The noticeable difference in size,
But that door opened and tumbling out came two things I know to be human,
And that image is burned into my eyes.

Now I consider it a great memory,
The silhouettes of those two passing through the night.
A comfort to know that walking is universal.
A comfort to see familiar faces in familiar places without needing meet.
A comfort is a comfort, no matter it's sense.

That was the evening of the other new year,
And I'll hold it in my mind forever.
Like a pearl, it will sit in my mind,
Glowing a milky white and dainty amongst my memories
(Which are quite unextraordinary)
And the faces of us and those I know will flicker from here to there,
But mostly behind my eyelids.