I knew going back to school was going to be difficult. Not only did I have to deal with everyone, I also had to speak to the head and let him know what had happened. I needed more time to get over things. I needed more time to think of how to tell my friends. The only people that know is family and my new adopted family. I knew the hardest part was making sure I wasn't thinking about it to much in class. I struggle to concentrate anyway without all this shit in my head.
My best friend Alix was going to be the hardest person to tell. She is like my sister to me and a second daughter to my dad. We did everything together but I hadn't seen her once during the summer. I saw her stood at the school gates waiting for me as she always did. She had a worried look on her face and that is what made me dread telling her the news. As soon as she eventually spotted me in the crowd she ran up to me and gave me a hug. "I've been so worried about you, you haven answered any of my Facebook messages, texts or phone calls. Even my dad was getting worried" and that was it. I started crying and it was uncontrollable. I had mascara and eyeliner running down my checks. I looked a right mess but I couldn't help myself.
Alix walked me up to the toilets and after she had calmed me down and cleaned me up I broke the news to her. "He's gone" that's all I could manage. I was still worked up from crying.
"Who's gone, I don't understand" she said. I know I wasn't making myself clear but she was my best friend and I had to tell her some how.
"He died, his cancer got the better of him" I thought I was now making sense to her but I wasn't as she asked "who had cancer" I couldn't tell her. So I took a piece of paper out of my bag and scribbled everything onto it in pencil. I started crying again as I screwed up the paper and threw it at her.
Her eyes wisent as she read the news. A tear ran down her face as she looked up at me. I felt so bad doing this to her right at the beginning of school so I got up and did what she did for me, calmed her down and cleaned her up. Alix was know as a bit of a toughie in school, she never cried, so for Jasmine to walk in and see the tears running down Alix's face was a huge surprise. My eyes were still red and puffy from when I was crying. I felt ridiculous. Sat on the floor in the girls toilets and the most popular girl in school has just walked in and seen us like this. "If your gonna gloat or laugh feel free. Take a picture if you want, it will last longer." I automatically snapped at her "sorry" Jasmine said "I didn't realise you we're both crying. Sir told me to come and get you, some of the boys in tutor said that they saw you come in here"
I couldn't help but feel a bit of jealously right now. I mean Jasmine had the perfect family. She had a mum and a dad, and she had a younger brother. Yeah he is a pain in the fucking arse but, she still had him. They are a very handsome family, and they were quite rich as well; they didn't flaunt it. Jasmine was one of the prettiest girls in our year. She had long brown hair and big brown eyes. Every last detail, even her eyelashes were perfect. No need for mascara, and then you see me with mine all down my face.
"If you don't want to don't tell me" Jasmine started, "but what's happened and can I help?" I looked at Alix and nodded. Wearily Alix handed Jasmine the note. Jasmine gasped. "Oh my gosh, I am so sorry. If there's anything me or my family could do just say."
"Yeah you can keep your fucking trap shut about it. I don't want anyone's sympathy and I don't want any fuss" I snapped. Jasmine looked at me as if she was scared "oh I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I'm just so upset and everything. I'm sorry Jazz. If its okay could I ask one small thing though?" I said feeling bad for biting her head off.
"Sure, anything, just ask away"
"Would you mind if I stayed at yours this weekend, I would normally ask Alix but I think she would want to be with her family." In a way I hoped she would say no so that I had to stay at Alix's but no...
"Sure, I'll walk home to yours with you while you collect your stuff and then we'll walk to mine and get chips on the way. Don't worry I'll buy, it's the least I could do" she said walking off. I wondered what she was going to say to everyone back in tutor. She still had the note in her hand. Maybe she'll just show sir and he'll understand I thought to myself. Jasmine came back a few moments later. "Sir said take your time" and she walked off again. I hope she hasn't told anyone.
I knew my day could not get any worse. I want to go home. But where is my home. At Jamie's? Jasmine's? I don't really belong there. I'm just visiting. Like in monopoly. I had Alix and I was going to explain my situation to someone and ask if we could spend the day together. I'm sure Mr Poole would let us. He surly would understand our situation he lets us do what we want within reason and this was a reason. A good one to.
"No" Mr Poole said before I explained my reason. I couldn't help but burst into tears. "Not without a good enough reason." Still sobbing I sighed.
"During the six weeks we had off for summer my dad passed away and Alix has only just found out. Other than Jamie in the year above, Alix is the only other person that knows." Mr Poole let out a very unexpected sigh.
"I suppose you want to keep it on the down low." He started. All I could do was nod. "Very we'll then but I will have to email all the teachers that Alix will be going to your lessons" I looked at Alix and smiled. I knew we'd be able to spend the day together all we needed was permission. And we got it!
