Rain on me

Picture of Marina (and the Diamonds)Diamandis who plays Amelia on my photobucket,link on my profile

I've always loved the rain.It's always been a calming presence to me.Call me crazy,call me weird I don't care.The rain is really the only thing that can calm me down.Bad things happen to me,i'm cursed.Trust me you might not believe in that sort of thing but with all that has happened to me it can't just be a coincidence. I only have the rain now.I get angry but that's the only emotion I can feel not just because I have a bad life I really can't feel anything.I'm either angry or emotionless.I guess I should start explaining,or you could stop listening to me try to make sense of my life,don't worry if I was you I would probably ignore me too.

So if you want to stay and hear my story well you should know a little about me.My name is Amelia Johnson i'm sixteen years old and I have the worst life every.Granted one could say I could be dead but to me that's just a luxury I can't afford.Anyway I have long brown seemingly sometimes black hair,which is matted because it hasn't been brushed or washed properly in ages.Brown eyes that I was told were attractive but if they are you can't tell because of the dark circles under my eyes,a light skin complexion despite about 50,000 bruises.And that's all I can really say about my appearance.I'm nothing amazing in my opinion but I haven't seen myself look half decent in forever so I can't comment on that.Why am I in such a state you may ask(that is if you care which you may not)?That is because I live on the streets just like I have for the past 4 years.Well it's not exactly 4 years straight but more or less.So if you want know more then stay and listen.

It started when I was 9 when my mam died when the bakery she worked at set on fire.I was at school when it happened so when I got home I found these people at my house and my dad crying.I'd never seen him cry before,but then again he had no reason to.He committed suicide a few weeks later which meant I had to go live with my grandparents.I could feel emotion back then and as one would expect I cried I had just lost both my parents within a month.I cried like any child would but it hurt to cry and I promised I wouldn't cry ever again little did I know how serious life took that promise.

Weeks eventually turned into months and I had kept my promise,I had not cried,but I had not felt anything but slight anger.It confused me I didn't know what to do or think.And to add to the situation I didn't have anyone to talk to about it.My grandparents lived out of the town I had lived in and I had not talked to my old friends in ages.My grandparents did not do much for me except put a roof above my head which at the time I couldn't have cared less about if I tried.So that was the first thing but the fact of how my life is how it is has not been revealed.

Now if you want to know more then keep listening to me ramble.Are you distracted by something in your own life yet?No?Okay I will talk some more.

After a year of living with my grandparents my grandma got breast cancer and had to stay in hospital and my granddad being overprotective of her stayed by her side and I could tell I would only be a pain and finding myself a nuisance to begin with I put myself into care.

My first day in care didn't go so well.Why?Because it was my first day.You will grow to understand this if you continue to listen.Bad luck follows me everywhere no matter where I go,no matter what the situation,or who is involved.Stay away from me is my advice to you.But I don't want to tell you whoever you may be what to do,so do as you please and please as you do.So you want to know what happened?Okay,I will tell you.Everyone stared at me when I first came into eye-shot,it made me feel uncomfortable.I weakly smiled and the stares seemed to grow more intense as if they were looking into me.After I got my stuff into my room I decided to take a look around the place after all I was going to be living here.At this point I had established that I could only feel anger.But I still had not told anyone about the situation and also the line between emotionless and angry had a mind of it's own.One which I couldn't control,sometimes I could keep calm easily and sometimes I could lash out and scream in frustration within seconds it would scare me if I could feel scared.To be honest I don't live I just exist.No plan,no looking back,no care for anything.And I was about to see how things would turn out in this new type of existence.