I Only Knew to Run (a Demi Lovato fanfic)

And Send it Soaring

Valerie's POV:

"So, where we off to?" I smiled, drunk off the feeling of relief of being able to get my ass out of bed.

"If you're talking about going to get high or drunk I am not taking you." Lauren said annoyed. She then took a left on the next road. It was getting late, Marissa wanted us back by ten. We had a couple hours yet.

"What's with you? You're judging me when you do the same things." I averted my gaze out the window. What was with her? We've gotten high and drunk together a bunch of times. I thought she'd jump at the opportunity of being able to go out together again.

"I had a wake up call. That's what."

"What do you mean?" I responded, half carelessly.

"I mean - seeing you get taken out of your home, watching Demi fall apart at rehearsal, witnessing your mom cry in front of Madison..."

"Oh," I sat up more straight and looked Lauren in the eyes as she parked the car by the beach. "So, you're saying this is my fault."

"No. What I'm saying is, you need to get a grip on life. We need to get a grip on life. Do you really think if we keep living like this our lives will get any better? Do you believe that if we keep getting drunk on alcohol instead of falling in love with the genuine, authenticity of life... Do you think that will help with anything at all?"

"I don't care, Lauren! It's all I've ever fucking known!" I opened the passenger door and slammed it as I walked further away from the car and down the street.

Lauren followed.

"Why do you even care about me?" I spun around to face Lauren who had come to an abrupt halt after her little run. "Nobody is supposed to fucking care."

"What do you mean supposed to?"

"I mean that for sixteen years of my life I've lived on my own terms, I've lived in the worst parts of Chicago, I've lived with, and have even been, a drug dealer. Do you have any idea how much this has all fucked me up!?"

"Yes, of course I do. You remind us almost every fucking day." By this point Lauren was losing her temper. She ran her hands through her hair in frustration then grabbed my shoulders. I have never seen her this angry. "Do you think I want to be in this position right now? Valerie, you are fragile. You have been through hell and back and I get that. I fucking get it."

Our noses were only inches apart by this point. I could feel her passion just by staring into her eyes.

"And now what?" I said breathlessly.

"And now you get help. I will not let you go back home without telling Marissa everything. You tell her what your original plans were for tonight. You tell her that you never stopped cutting. You can even tell her that I've been with you getting high. And I'm sorry for that because I never truly realized how far I was bringing you down with me. We hit rock bottom together."

I didn't know what to say. Do I come clean with everything or not? Do I stay or do I go?

"Will you come with me?" My voice cracked.

"Of course," she reached her hand out for me but I just collapsed in her arms instead.

"Lauren, I'm so sorry. I love you so much." I weeped in her arms. "I don't understand why you care for me since all I do is screw up."

"We care for you, because we love you. We love the way you smile, we love the little jokes you make, your great company on the road... I know for a fact how much Demi cares about you. She's been texting me nonstop to get updates on how you're doing. Mila... She would be so lost without you. And me - I would never able to live with myself if something happened to you. All the late night talks and laughter we've had. You're my best friend."

"You're my best friend too." Still I refused to let go of her and snuggled my head closer into the crook of her neck. "I love you."

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We made it back to Marissa's within twenty minutes. Lauren and I came up with a game plan in the car as to how everything would go down, and we figured it'd just be better to say everything just flat out.

My right hand hovered over the apartment door. "I don't have the courage to do this, Lo."

"It's alright. We're doing this together. Remember: you and me, we're titanium."

"Titanium." I whispered, then continued and wrapped my knuckles against the hard wood door.

Marissa opened it rather quickly. "You two are back fast," she said surprised.

"Uh yeah," I breathed. "We need to talk to you."

"Okay?" She responded. "What's going on?"

Lauren and I made our way inside after Marissa. We sat across from her on the kitchen table. Lauren squeezed my hand tight.

"We need to come clean. Uh, I need to come clean."

"Val, whatever it is you can tell me. I'm gonna be here for you. For the both of you."

"I don't want to get better." My words sliced the tension in the air that has been thick ever since I got out of the psychiatric hospital. "There, I said it. I don't want to get better. Sometimes I thought I did, but in reality I don't. I've been lying to your face, to Demi, to mom's... Even to Lauren and Camila's sometimes. I've been lying to Logan too. Lying... This manipulating, is all I can seem to do anymore. I've been cutting, drinking, doing drugs. I take whatever comes my way and don't give it a second thought. But today... Today Lauren forced me to give it a second thought. And while I still don't want to get better now, I know that I need to strive for that want. That want, that aspiring for it, may be all I will ever be able to live for anymore."

The room was silent for a few minutes. I swear you could hear every last wall I had built up shatter to the ground. All those years of building walls and boundaries around my heart... Gone. They're gone. And even though I still felt like shit right now, I had some sense of accomplishment. Like, I've finally acknowledged everything I've been dying to say.

"That's a lot," Marissa started. "I think I'm just gonna take some time to think about everything... Then call Demi and your parents."

She looked distressed. "Uhm Marissa?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry for stressing you out."

"Baby, you're not- Just, don't be sorry. Not about this, here, okay? You've finally come to terms with everything as a whole. And while this is a monumental step, this is still just the beginning. But don't worry, we're gonna be here for you during every last step."

"Okay," I mustered to get out. "Thanks."

"Come here," Mar reached her arms out to the both of us. "I love you two, alright? You can come to me with anything."

"We know now," Lauren said for the both of us.

"Good. Now you two can head up to bed, it's getting late. You staying over, Lo?"

"Can I?" Lauren put on her puppy dog face.

"Of course," Marissa giggled.

And just as slowly as the day started we drifted off to sleep together. Our bond of friendship stronger than any titanium.

Heyyy everyone! Hope you like this update :) things are starting to look better, huh?? Hope things will last.
QOTD: whats your favorite Demi fanfics?? (Lol i need some to read)