Spencer And Toby: A TeAm Troubles

"To be or not to be?"

*~1 Month Later~*

"Hand me a paint brush," I said after walking into the room in Toby's apartment that we were converting into a nursery at 6 am to find him painting. I had slept over that night because we had a doctor's appointment at 9 and it was easier if I was already with him when we woke up.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you? I couldn't sleep," he replied, handing me a brush that I dipped into the light green paint and began to add even paintbrush strokes of the color to the bare walls.

"No, I just woke up a couple minutes ago and realized you weren't there. I assumed you were in the bathroom but heard noises in here. So now that I know that this is what you were doing, I want to help," I said and he nodded with a yawn.

"You're not tired?" He asked and I shook my head.

"I have a lot of energy, strangely. I don't know, I'm just in a good mood," I said as I walked back to the paint and added more to my brush.

We stood there painting in silence, and I enjoyed the stillness of the early morning and the sunlight just beginning to stream through windows.

After about twenty minutes of painting, I decided I wanted to go to bed again. The energy had quickly faded and now I was left so tired I felt dizzy. "I'm going to head back to bed," I said with a yawn and headed back to the kitchen so I could wash the paintbrush off under the water.

"Sweet dreams!" He called from the room as I stood by the sink. Suddenly I got the feeling that something wasn't right. I dropped the paintbrush into the sink and grabbed the counter for support as a stabbing pain went through my stomach. The last time I felt pain like this in my stomach was about a month ago, and the doctor told me that by five months Placenta Previa should have righted itself. If not, really bad things could happen.

I took a few deep breaths, hoping this was just Braxton Hicks contractions. When it didn't go away, panic began to set in.

"Spence, do you want all the walls to be green or do you want to alternate colors?" Toby asked, walking into the room. I turned to face him and tried to slightly hide the grimace of pain that threatened to spread across my features. "What's wrong?" He asked. Apparently I had only slightly hid it.

I was about to respond when the pain grew worse and slowly I slid to the ground, Toby ran to catch my head before it hit the ground. He pulled me up so my head could rest on his chest and from there he stroked my hair, whispering to me that everything would be fine. I still couldn't find the words to express what was going on. A couple minutes later the pain had subsided, but I still didn't want to let him go.

"We need to go to the hospital and see what's wrong," he said, and helped me to stand up, his arm staying around my waist to help keep me upright. I knew that the minute he let me go I would fall to the ground again. Not in pain, but in scared sobs. I didn't want to lose this baby, but if my fears were correct that was almost inevitable.

He walked with me to the front door, grabbed his car keys, and helped me walk to his car where he opened the door and carefully helped me inside.

"It's going to be ok, Spencer, I promise," he said, kissing me on the forehead, and I just nodded. I still didn't have the strength to say anything to him. This wasn't going to be ok and we both knew it. The doctor had warned us about something like this happening. I could lose the baby, I could die, or both if I actually still have Placenta Previa.

The whole car ride was silent, and the silence from my doctors at the hospital was worse. They did tests, tried to figure out what was wrong, and when they did they looked at me like it pained them to say whatever they were going to say next. But I already knew it. The words came out of my doctor's mouth like they were read from my own mind.

I still had Placenta Previa. This late in the pregnancy, it should have already righted itself. Now I was at risk of hemorrhaging during birth or the pregnancy. If I chose to carry the baby full term, it's likely that I, the baby, or both of us would die. I could get an abortion, but the thought of killing an innocent, helpless baby was one of the worst things I could imagine.

Toby and I went home and I went straight to the bedroom and locked myself inside. I sat on the ground up against the door. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I let go of all the agonizing sorrow I had kept inside.