Her by:ReversedHipster

As I walk down the hallways of the old establishment, I think of all the things that happened to me here. Meeting my closest and dearest friends, experiencing things I never thought I would, and meeting her.

Oh the way her eyes glisten with hope and peace but darken with mystery and utter confidence. A smile that could be seen from miles away, able to make the saddest of hearts begin to beat heavily. I could go on and on about the likes of her beautiful presence for what feels like years. I've dated people here, had my heart torn to shreds here..the works. What I thought was love was people abusing my trust and using my loyalty against me. Betraying me, and at a young age I was deluded by their fake smiles and taunting eyes. Then she came along, allowing me to truly feel what love at first sight was.

The butterflies, the nervous fidgeting, the blatant blushing and everything in between. As a young girl, aged 13 I had no idea what I was feeling freshman year. I just knew that this feeling felt good and I wanted, needed that feeling. I had a chance with her then, but I let it slip through my fingers. Too afraid of the looks, too afraid of what others would think of us. She wanted me too, and I felt so bad because I loved her, but knew I wasn't enough or good enough for her.

Junior year came around, I was turning 16 then, in a broken "relationship" of my own. A crush I'd had on a girl who not only used me for my innocence and loyalty when it was convenient but acted as if I didn't exist the other half of the time. She cheated on me. Close to turning 17 in those next few coming months, I was thinking things would get better. In my thoughts, she never left. In my heart, she never left. But, it seemed I had left her thoughts. I was forgotten about, and before I knew it her and I had stopped all communication. She found herself someone else to love, to cloud her mind and heart with affection that I so very longed to give. Losing her in that moment seemed impossible to do, with my broken heart and newfound vulnerability I didn't know how to feel. I shied away from any further advances, isolating myself for what I believed was the greater good. I couldn't be what she needed, couldn't give her what she wanted, and quite possibly wasn't what she deserved and though I wanted to be hers, if she was happy that's all that mattered to me. I thought this way for a very long time. And so I moved on, and tried to get over it, I did.

That was until one day, once summer had come around, I got a text message. It was from her. I looked at that screen for what felt like ages, my eyes glistening with tears I hadn't known had sprung. I didn't dare let them fall, opening the phone to respond with a "hey, long time no see huh?". And there, had we started to talk again, connecting again when I once thought everything would be done and over with. We stayed up all day and night, talking to each other, asking how we'd been, how we were doing. I never left my phone alone for a second. Revering in the time we spent talking. She'd tell me of how her relationship, which I thought would always continue, was strained and unsure. Fights and such that I always would lend an ear and give some helpful advice to try and fix things between them. Still believing, if she was happy in the end, that's all that mattered to me. It worked for awhile, and I truthfully gave the sincerest advice I could, never a doubt in my mind or heart that I would take advantage of such a raw moment. I swore to myself I had more integrity than that and so I acted accordingly for her.

In the end, they worked things out and I was once again trying to leave those feelings buried and gone in the past. If a friend was what she needed, I'd be the best one she could ever have. I eventually found love again, but not until years later once I was midways through college. We still talk, to this very day, talking about our spouses and the times we used to share, but never once bringing up our consensual feelings for one another. For all I know, they never existed in her mind, and so they weren't worth bringing up now when we were both happy and in love.
Despite everything, I never would've found the courage to love again, to trust my heart and soul with someone again, until I met her.