KUMANDRA (Short Story)

Chapter 9

Raya's never felt this insignificant before. Not until now. She was a dot, a minuscule wave in an endless ocean that surrounded her, engulfed her being and made her existence, her meaning fade under its scale. She followed the flow, not really having any other choice, just a regular wave after the so many before her and before the so many after her. The Princess was lost in a tide of strangely intoxicating thoughts, emotions that didn't seem to belong to her at all. They entered Raya's head without her permission and suffocated her, refusing to leave her side.

Being alone has never felt this agonizing before. And the Princess knew loneliness.

Namaari leaving to Fang was crossing those lines. Raya was aware, the Princess had to leave. She could've never held her girlfriend back because the Princess was also aware how much Fang meant to Namaari. But not having her around, hurt beyond anything Raya could've ever imagined.

She clenched the sheets in between her fingers and held them closer, greedily inhaling Namaari's scent that was barely but still clinging onto them. The memories it brought her, were the only thing Raya had left of her girlfriend. And she had to make do with it until the Princess's return. But when was that going to be? Raya had no idea. And those thoughts burdened her heart, even more so as the Princess was already missing Namaari terribly.

"Dewdrop..." Chief Benja quietly knocked on the door. "Raya, may I come in?"

"I'd like to be left alone, Ba." She whispered, just loud enough for the Chief to understand on the other side. "Please." The Princess added and held the sheets even closer, embracing them with her entire body. Maybe if Raya closed her eyes and concentrated hard enough, she would've been able to feel Namaari lie next to her? She had to try. Again.

"It's been two days, Raya." Boun spoke over the Chief. The Princess's eyes widened in shock. She didn't know Boun didn't leave. "We are worried about you, Raya. You should at least eat something." He sighed and grabbed the handle. "Let us in. Please." The Princess firmly shut her eyes, trying to shut out everything around her. And for a second, she was able to but then Boun popped into her head without a warning and shattered those illusions. No matter how much Raya wanted to be left alone, to feel alone, she wasn't alone. She had her Ba, Sisu, Boun and the others who were willing to go to the ends of the world for her. And it would've been selfish of her to worry them just because Raya was too stubborn to ask for or receive affection.

The Princess slowly got out of bed, feeling guilty that she had to leave the only reminder of Namaari behind. She then lazily walked towards the door and unlocked it.

Boun's mouth unconsciously hung wide open because Raya looked so much different from the time he last saw the Princess at the docks. He quickly had to shift his attention to the bowl he was holding to prevent it from spilling to the side. "I-I brought congee." Boun mumbled and nervously changed his posture. Raya smiled softly, leaning against the frame shortly after so she wouldn't fall. The Princess didn't have any strength left in her to get involved in a brief conversation but she couldn't afford that to show. She couldn't break Boun's heart.

"Come in." Raya motioned towards the room and her Ba and Boun followed after her.

"Maybe, the bed's not a good idea, Boun!" The Chief gasped, almost running to him. Raya's cheeks immediately started to redden. Maybe, this whole thing was not a good idea.

"Okay?!" Boun asked innocently, raising his brows in confusion. The Princess sighed out of relief when him and her Ba chose to sit on the rug instead. She sat down next to them, crossing her legs. Boun then gave the congee to Raya and the Princess held the bowl for a while, aimlessly staring down at it. She didn't have an appetite, nor the desire or need to eat. "What's wrong?" He glanced at Raya. "Don't worry. I don't want to kidnap your Tuk Tuk. Congee's edible." The Princess snorted and began to eat, mostly out of politeness. Boun and the Chief exchanged relieved glances but tried their best not to make a big deal out of it.

"I miss her..." Raya suddenly burst into tears. "I miss her so much." She then buried her face in her hands, trying to hide how vulnerable she's become. The last thing the Princess wanted, was to worry them even more. But she couldn't hold these emotions in a second more.

"I know, Dewdrop." The Chief whispered and embraced Raya in a tight hug. "I know..." The Princess hugged him back, still continuing to sob. "We're here for you, for what it's worth."

"Yeah, Raya." Boun smiled and tilted his head a bit. "And your Ba's a really good listener too."

Raya returned the smile and glanced at the Chief. "I appreciate that. I really do. But there isn't much for me to tell. And there isn't much for me to do either." She then sighed.

"Before I married your mother, we've courted in secret... for three and a half years." Chief Benja whispered and caressed Raya's cheek. The Princess's eyes widened, Ba's never told her that story before. "I say, when there's a will, there's a way."

"And knowing you two... You always find a way to find each other." Boun grinned and nudged Raya who snorted and tousled with his hair in return. "So, what do you like about the Princess?"