New Year's Day

Chapter 7

**Kind of a short chapter today, sorry besties

March 12th, 2015

"Ms. Adams, it seems Bucky is in need of your assistance," JARVIS spoke over the speakers.

    I rolled over and rubbed the exhaustion from my eyes, picking up my phone to check the time. I groaned, momentarily blinded by the brightness of the screen. "At 3:00 in the morning? What the hell does he need right now?" I asked, angrily.

    "He hasn't asked for you. You previously told me to wake you if he was in distress."

    Oh. Bucky sometimes had trouble sleeping. Fine, that was an understatement. He had nightmares. A little while after he moved in, Steve had been gone on a mission and wasn't there to wake him up from it. It didn't end well. After that, I told JARVIS to wake me up when it happened again. Steve did so much for the team, I didn't want him to worry about this. Bucky was my friend, too.

    I rolled out of bed and crept into the hallway, silently stepping toward Bucky's room. I opened his door and saw him lying on his back, his chest heaving. I sighed, leaning my head to the side and letting my shoulders drop. I was supposed to feel sorry for him, but instead, I was angry. This wasn't fucking fair. He didn't deserve this.

    I made my way over to his bed, turning on his bedside lamp and then putting my hands on his shoulders and shaking. "Bucky," I whispered. "You're okay, I'm right here. Wake up."

    Suddenly his eyes opened, and he sat up, frantically looking around the room. I could tell he wasn't sure where he was, so I placed my hand on the side of his face and moved his head to look at me.

    I watched his eyes soften as he returned to reality, no longer darting around the room in search of whatever he'd been dreaming about. "It was just a nightmare. I'm here, see? You're okay," I tried to comfort him. I wasn't sure what to say beyond that. I knew he didn't want to talk about it, he never did, but I still asked. "Do you want to talk about it?"

    He paused, looking at me for a quiet second. "No, not right now. I don't think I can."

    "That's alright," I said, giving him a small smile. "Can I get you anything? A glass of water?"

    "No-" he interjected quickly, straightening up in bed and reaching out to grab my hand. "Could you maybe stay? Talk about something else? I need a distraction," he pleaded.

    "Yeah, of course," I responded softly, walking around to the other side of the bed and sitting next to him.

    "Tell me about what happened during the mission. I never got a chance to talk to you after we got off the jet," he said, grabbing the covers from next to him and throwing them over my legs.

    "I saw my mom."

    "What?"

    "Yeah. It was a memory, I'd lived it before, but it was like I was there again. I could feel it. It was the day she found out she had cancer."

    Bucky looked at me with pity in his eyes. I hated being pitied, I'd seen that look so often after my mom passed, but I knew he needed a real distraction, so I continued.

    "It was right before we left for the hospital. She'd been sick for a while, but it was worse that day, so she decided to go there to get looked at instead of her doctor's office." I looked forward at the blank wall, not meeting his eyes. "My mom was really stubborn, she wanted to go alone but I wouldn't let her. I made her let me drive."

    Bucky was listening intently, watching me talk even though I wouldn't look at him. "You guys must've been really close," he said.

    I breathed a sigh, "Yeah, we were. I don't remember much before the accident, I guess I was too young, but my Dad and I never talked much after it happened. And then we moved, and I didn't have any friends to talk to. All I really had was my mom."

    "The only thing I saw was my mom and I in the dining room. I woke up before it could get past that, but I knew what was supposed to happen next. I'd prefer not to relive that day if I can help it," I said, my eyes burning and throat constricting with the looming threat of tears.

Bucky was at a loss for words, I could tell. Neither of us were the best at comforting people. Instead, he drew his arm around my shoulder and pulled me in, letting my head rest on his shoulder. "What a fucking day," he chuckled.

    I huffed a laugh and nodded my head, "No kidding."

    "Alex, you've done so much for me. I don't think I'll ever be able to tell you how grateful I am, but I want you to know I'll always be here if you need anything."

    "Thanks, Buck," I smiled, wiping my eyes, "it means a lot."

    We sat in silence for a while. There wasn't much to say, both of us were overwhelmed with emotions and too tired to talk. Eventually, I dozed off and was woken up by Bucky adjusting in bed and laying down, allowing my head to rest on his chest. I was suddenly extremely aware that I was actually in his bed, so I pretended to be asleep in a lofty attempt at preventing awkwardness.

Soon we both drifted to sleep, and when I woke up again the next morning, Bucky was gone. I sat up and looked around the room, taking in the slightly messy atmosphere. I hadn't noticed in the dark, but he had t-shirts and jeans strewn about the room across his floor and various other surfaces. It wasn't horrible, but it was easy to tell that cleaning was not his number one priority.

I got up and left, heading to my room to change out of my pajamas. Afterward, I went down to the kitchen, where I saw Nat sitting alone on a stool drinking her coffee. She turned to me as I walked toward her through the living room.

"Morning, babe," she smirked. "You weren't in your bed when I went to wake you up this morning."

"Buck had another nightmare," I started. "JARVIS woke me up and I ended up staying in his room." Nat raised her eyebrows and sat up a little, opening her mouth to say something. "Don't-" I cut her off, "It doesn't mean anything. We're both damaged goods."

"Well, he definitely seemed frustrated when he came downstairs earlier. He left to go on a run about an hour ago and still isn't back," she said.

I sighed, sitting down next to her and pulling the coffee pot towards me. "Yesterday was rough for both of us," I said as I poured my cup. "He didn't want to talk about it, but I could tell it was eating him up."

"So you didn't talk? Are you insinuating that you did something else?" she suggested.

"No!" I replied a little too quickly, blushing slightly. Just then the door opened, and Steve and Bucky entered the kitchen from outside, talking seriously in hushed voices.

"Morning, boys," Nat said. Steve glanced at Nat and smiled warmly, but Bucky looked right at me. His face was completely unreadable, but he and Steve didn't stop to make conversation with us as they continued back upstairs.

Here we go again.