HOW TO KILL A NIGHTINGALE

.four.

"People say, 'There are other fish in the sea.' I say, 'Fuck you; [s]he was my sea.'"

-          J. Faulkner

November 22nd.

There was a bright light and Liam hoped it was hell – because that's where he belonged. Not in heaven, no; there was no place for him there, not even a small tiny spot. But when his eyes adjusted to the light, a pale gray ceiling greeted him in its monotony. It didn't take Liam long to realize that he didn't get his wish.

He wasn't in hell – he was at a hospital.

The room was silent with nothing but the drone of the air conditioning system by the window. Liam's eyes scanned the stagnant room, hoping this was just a daydream and none of the things that happened did happen.

And that's when it flashed in his mind again.

His hands fisted up the bed's comforter as waves of agony surged through his heart. Why didn't he just die? When he tried to commit suicide on that bridge he was sure no one will save him. He was sure Sophia couldn't have jumped into the freezing river and carried him back to shore. All she could do was call for help, and by that time Liam would've drowned.

So why didn't he die?

His eyes kept scanning the room for an answer, but what he found instead only obliterated his heart and soul into a million pieces. Niall was sleeping on the edge of the bed, his head rested on his crossed arms. Suddenly Liam found it hard to breathe: Maybe this was hell – his own personal hell bound to torture him with sights of Niall.

Amidst his slight scampering, Niall began to stir. He lifted his head up, grumbled, and squinted until his blue eyes met with Liam's horrified brown ones. They stared at each other for a moment, and after a short intake of breath and a smile from Niall, the blonde lunged at him and gave him a tight hug. "I thought I lost you," whispered Niall.

But Liam pulled away, disbelieving of what he was hearing, of what he was seeing. This has to be a dream – there was no other explanation for this oddity. Whatever was happening was definitely impossible in reality. There was no way that Niall could ever forgive him.

"This is a dream," Liam muttered exasperatedly. He looked at Niall. "All of this – it's a dream, right? This is my punishment for being a...a..."

Niall placed a finger on Liam's lips. "Don't. Just don't, Liam."

"What do you mean don't?!" Liam pushed Niall away, afraid and ashamed. "I hurt you! I took away your virginity in the most evil way possible! I'm the monster people tell their children at night! I don't deserve to live!" Tears streamed down Liam's cheeks. "So why do you still want to see a monster like me?"

"Because I'm the one who turned you into a monster," answered Niall. "You were, to me, the most wonderful creature in the whole world. But then I broke your trust and provoked you into anger. I broke my promise because I was blind and a slave to what my parents thought was right."

"No, no," said Liam. "That's not–"

"It's true and we both know it," said Niall.

Liam cringed. "Then know as well that I'm not worth it..."

"Yes, you are," insisted Niall. "Believe me, I've tried to find a replacement but nothing compares to you–"

"Christ, Niall," groaned Liam. "Why do you have to be so fucking blind?!"

"Because I am blind," stated Niall, letting out a sigh. "I'm blind, I'm stupid, I'm a mess – I'm everything in between. We're both lost souls, Liam. We are pieces of each other's puzzles: one heck of a crazy couple."