As this feeling grows inside.Grows in size.Takes over my blood,Stings my eyes.It welts my brain.Like the long stringy particles,Shrivel and grow limp.I can't think straight.This line.I can't walk upon it.I fall.Slowly I crumble.Each cell drains out.Exposing my feelings.Each tear,They fall like raindrops.One, two, three.They fall.Against my pale cheek,Cooling the skin beneath it.My hair,It falls.One by one,Each thin color falls. Like this sickness takes control.
It moves me.Weakens me.I feel so cold.So....dead.Like god is making me die a slow and painful death.This lump of poison grows inside me.
Eating me whole.This monster,It never leaves.It never dyes.It feeds off my veins and glows inside.What's left of me?
Of life itself?Depression lays over my body like a blanket.But not a warm at all.
No.Cold.Bare and cold.As if the great divide could swallow me whole.Oh how I'm breaking down.
Each bone crumbles and breaks.I can't move anymore.This sickness,It takes over now.I am no longer the keeper of my body.I lay in this hard hospital bed,Bound against with wires and needles.They drug me.Why do they drug me?It doesn't make the pain subside.It no longer numbs me.Yes, physically I feel numb.But emotionally,No.
It does not help.It's like the monster infected my brain.Makes me feel the heartless, drab,disgusting, deadness that it feels.Emotional pain is much worse.Much, much worse.The suffering you feel is,indescribable.They tell me,Fight on! Don't give up! You will beat this...I don't want to fight any longer!I don't want to cry any longer!I don't want to smile, laugh, feel,Any longer!I don't want to live....any longer.God wants me.He needs me!He knows I'm ready to rest,peacefully.Could it be that I am ready too?To sleep? To sleep on clouds?To fly high in the sky?Could it be? Yes! Yes it could! I'm ready! God I'm ready! Take me up!Take me home!My eye lids,They grow heavy.Heavier and heavier.They feel against my heart.My heart,It beats slower and slower.My breaths,They come.Shorter and shorter.My mind,It's.....blank.No feeling comes to it.Nothing.No thoughts,Worries,Stress,Nothing.My lids fall over my eyes.They feel so thick. So...cold.My breaths.They just....stop.My heart.The beating disappears.I know this is the end.So peaceful.Quiet.This is what it feels like to be Gone...
~Jilliane Herrero
